parting with love.

Looking in the mirror,
she doesn't recognize her face.
Sadly he didn't love her,
he only liked the chase.

Heart broken, and tears shedding,
through the pain and agony of a broken heart.
But she was too caught up to listen,
she feared having to part.

This man she thought she loved,
left wounds that would never heal.
Sadly she never figured,
her hear was open for him to steal.

She kept her scars and bruises,
hidden from all the world.
at the time all her thoughts and memories,
were being whirled, and whirled and swirled.

He always said he loved her,
but we all know it's not true.
All the while he acted,
as if he didn't have a clue.

To wander the thoughts of a woman,
to invade her state of mind.
surely a this cruel man,
ought to be blind.

finally when she noticed,
she wasn't being treated right.
She parted with this loaner,
and can now sleep through the night.

critique this please?

Alrighty, let's see what I can do for you, Bella, my friend. ^_^

Sadly, he didn't love her,
he only liked the chase.

I think a double dash (--) would work better instead of that comma. Sadly, he didn't love her--he only liked the chase.

Heart broken, and tears shedding,
through the pain and agony of a broken heart.

I know repetition is good in poetry and lyrics, but I don't quite like it in this instance. I don't know how to change it either since I'm no poet. Still, this part doesn't go with the rhythm. Completely redo this. If I was somewhat a poet, I'd give an example. Sorry ^^;

But she was too caught up to listen,
she feared of having to part.

Replace the comma with a double dash. The second part is a bit awkward. I hope that word makes it sound better. XD

This man she thought she loved,
left wounds that would never heal.

Delete this comma.

Sadly she never figured,
her heart was open for him to steal.

Delete comma again. You don't always need commas to separate lines. ^_^ Also, rhythm again. Maybe: Sadly, she never figured her heart he would steal.

She kept her scars and bruises,
hidden from all the world.
at the time all her thoughts and memories,
were being whirled, and [s]whirled[/s] twirled[/s] and swirled.

If you mean to make two separate sentences, delete those two commas at the end and insert on after 'at the time'. I think I'd make it two sentences if you intended on one whole one anyway. ^_^

He always said he loved her,
but we all know it's not true.

You switched tense, which I think it's bad, but maybe poetry thinks differently? =/ I dunno, but the second line should read: ...but we all knew that wasn't true.

All the while he acted,
as if he didn't have a clue.

Delete comma.

To wander the thoughts of a woman,
to invade her state of mind.
surely [s]a[/s] this cruel man,
ought to be blind.

Replace the period with a double dash and delete the comma after 'cruel man'.

finally when she noticed,
she wasn't being treated right.
She parted with this loaner,
and [s]can[/s] now sleep[b]s through the night.

Capitalize the first word. Delete the comma after 'noticed' and insert a comma after 'right'.

Overall, this is good. Some rhythm issues which explains some grammar issues, but that's fixable, as well as your comma usage. I can't give any more inspiration, seeing as I'm no poet, but...yeah, lol.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Your poem was very deep, i see a ton emotion pouing inside your poem.
you're very good at writing although your rhythem changed a little bit towards the end, but you stayed on topic, which i thaught was really good, i alwayz have a hard time with that, But yeah, i like your poem alot! good job. -AnnaBanana