Someone

After all the trouble we went through to get the Christmas Tree, it is finally here
I put ornaments on one by one hoping that I will feel an emotion, any emotion
Nothing
My heart no longer fills with joy
Everything means nothing
I mean nothing
I swirl my Christmas lights around the Christmas tree
I am not religious, but somehow I feel like someone of more holy power is talking to me
The lights turn on
They're bright, colorful and now I have found a new thing that fills my heart with joy
It's Christmas and someone knows about me
Someone wants my heart to be filled with joy
Someone

Describes almost the same feeling as I this Christmas! Interesting.

Broadwaygirl --

Is it you, Emily? From 73? It's Camille! If you're not who I think you are...heh, sorry.
Anyways, onto my critique.

At the moment, this is a skeleton.
I know that may sound very discouraging, but every poem needs a skeleton, lest it will collapse into mush. And honestly? No one wants a mushy poem. So you have taken the first step.
This has some vague emotion, and some simple imagery. But nothing that really stands out, you know? What you need it more metaphors and more similes.

They're bright, colorful and now I have found a new thing that fills my heart with joy
It's Christmas and someone knows about me
Someone wants my heart to be filled with joy
Someone

It's good that you kept the pattern of the poem, but there are some issues.
Firstly, how did you suddenly know that someone cares about you? (Obviously people do, but in the poem we don't know that.)
Secondly, you've already talked about your heart being filled with joy. Why not branch out a little; say something else? Something more creative.
Thirdly, imagery. You mention that the lights are colourful, but I think you could make it more interesting. Here's an example:
They are so bright;
A patchwork of colour against the green needles -
Crimson, mustard, azure, violet.
That's just off the top of my head, so yeah, I know it's not very good. It's just an example.

My heart no longer fills with joy
Everything means nothing
I mean nothing
I swirl my Christmas lights around the Christmas tree
I am not religious, but somehow I feel like someone of more holy power is talking to me
The lights turn on

There's nothing strictly wrong with this, but I think you can make it fresher.
Maybe you can try something like this:
Joy no longer fills my heart
Everything is pointless;
like ashes after a fire -
forgotten and cold,
And I mean nothing;
I am the ashes.
I swirl my Christmas lights around my Christmas tree
I answer to no religion, to no divine being, but somehow I feel
as if someone of more holy power is speaking to me.
Yeah, I know that exmaple was really horrid, but oh well. Hopefully you got the point.


Overall, this has potential, but now it doesn't exactly shine. You have an interesting and original idea but it seems like a greasy piece of glass; the grit and slime of boring word choices and bland structure have mucked up the beauty of it. Spice this up with figurative language, use some punctuation, and this will be a lovely poem.

I think the problem is that you are listing events like items on a shopping list - you gloss over what can make it interesting. Right now you are just listing what you did and what you feel in a somewhat bland way. You say 'I feel this' and 'I do this'.
At the moment, this seems blank and standard. You can push it the other way and make it exotic, passionate and creative.

Good luck and don't give up!
Feel free to PM me if you want help, or if you have any questions.
-Camille

Very interesting. It describes the moods of the holidays nicely. Good job!

I have to agree with a lot of what Ayra has said so theres not much more I can say, other than a bit of punctuation can very helpful to show where you want pauses to be. Adding a bit of punctuation can start giving your poem a small bit of character and emphasize sometimes where you want people's attention.

if you go to this link it'll tell you a little bit more about how punctuation affects poems. article18791.html?highlight=punctuation