awww... how sad... but we all feel this way sometimes... is this anything that connects to you personally? I really like this poem! It is short, sweet, and to the point.
"Am I that obvious? And if it's written on my face... I hope it never goes away." Pieces of me, Ashlee Simpson
Hey Linds! Long time, no talky. Anyways, I'm trying to become a mentor, so you are going to be the first person to get a 'thorough' critique from me. Lucky you!
Here it is :
I can't stand it anymore!
Just die <--------I think there should be some sort of punctuation here. stop laying in the hospital bed <--------Capitalize the 's' and again, maybe some punctuation. Just die <---------Ditto. you're killing me on the inside <-------Capital 'y'.
Sickness, Illness, Disease <-------Hmm... why are all of the first letters in caps? I don't know what it is
but you won't get any better so please, <-------Capital 'b'. Just die!
You keep having these episodes
Making me think it's the end
but you make it <-----Capital 'b'. It's never the end of the road
My favorite part of this whole poem was where it said : 'It's never the end of the road'. Great poem. Keep up the good work. (But, I do think that you could have used jucier, descriptive words.)
Tom Riddle: "You read my diary?" Harry Potter: "At first, I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad, handwritten book."
Lucky you!
