It seems you're new, so welcome! And it also seems like you missed the Rules. Please read them before you post next time.
The poem doesn't do much. Well, it doesn't do anything, really. Yes, petals falling is delightful fun. But what makes me care? What makes me interested? Why should I want to know about these petals?
This is not a poem, this is a poorly written sentence and a terribly overused image. I suggest you read some good poetry.
Better luck next time, and welcome to YWS!
-Colleen
"My pet, I've been to the devil, and he's a very dull fellow. I won't go there again, even for you..."
is this about a wedding? it's short and sweet and i like it. at first however, it did confuse me but thats just because i wasn't completely focussed. it usually takes me a bit to understand poetry. i'm just a weirdo.
have a great day! =)
"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
- Gabrielle Coco Chanel
I open my lunch box Hopin' to find a sandwich, an apple some cookies or cake but there, coiled and hissin' and set to unwind Is anouther big venemous poisonous snake leaving me hungry as can be you think my mother's mad at me?
Well, since you're new I can give you a break. Being "the new kid in town" isn't always easy and remember I am here if you need me! Well lets begin the critique, shall we? Well, first off, a little short. Extend your topic, know your topic, and BE your topic. You have to strut your stuff when it comes to writing. It's a writer eat writer world on yws and you have to learn to slowly progress. However, you aren't alone, and thats why we critique your work. Try looking at other poetry. Incadescent is a great poet you could check out. Also, don't rush through your poems, hey if there's writers block all you can do is read. so don't stress!!
"Am I that obvious? And if it's written on my face... I hope it never goes away." Pieces of me, Ashlee Simpson
