The Magician

The Magician

Oh, it's happening again.
You're doing it again,
Changing things to disguise your plans.
Everytime I stare at your hands
You hide it so well,
The numbers of your lovers' lines.
As I inhaled my breath,
I said to myself
That I'd already seen too much today.
For every trick that you hide
Inside of your sleeves,
Takes you a little further away from me.
Away from me

Amongst all that you've fooled
And your gullible fans
Was I your favorite
Among all of them?
You took your red cloth from
Our table dinner then
You drop it and you disappear.
But maybe I didn't hear you say
That you're going somewhere else.
But it's taking you so much time to return.
So much time to return

'Cause your magic makes me feel a fool
Anticipating, watching
Make your every move
After the magician's done
Then everyone claps their hands.
But I'm tired of seeing
All of it.

While your were faking...
Someone left...

I'm not going to watch you now. (3x)

First off, let me say that this is good. And second, "Every tricks" should be
"every trick."

These are some interesting lyrics. I can see the ambiguity between the magician and a lying friend. It's clever and unique.

However, your meter seems totally convoluted. I can see no pattern. That could be because I'm not an especially musical individual, but something still seems...lacking. Did you write this to music? If so, do you have any underlying, repeating rhythm? It isn't apparent in the lyrics. Also, it seems strange you didn't include a chorus.

You have a few grammatical errors:

You drop it and you disappeared.

"Drop" and "disappeared" are two different tenses. I think you can safely change either word to be present or past without seriously damaging whatever meter you have.

'Cause you're magic makes me feel a fool

Should be your

Anticipatively

Not a word. Consider "watching with anticipation" or "eagerly watching". Something like that.

By looking at your profile, you obviously like writing lyrics. And you're pretty good at them, too. Keep up the stellar work.

-Kylan

Chorus doesn't have to be long and repeating, the same as for lyrics. Also you can have it as bridge then chorus. Well in this case I did have a repeating chorus, "I'm not going to watch you now." Repeating rhythm is mostly found in ballads and pop songs and I'm not a fan of those. Anticipatively is a word, last time I check in the dictionary but since there are lot of American English now I have changed it.

I liked the first section much better than the rest of it, because there was some sort of coherent rhyme scheme.

I feel like the second stanza is the one in need of the most work, especially the line "amongst all that you've fooled." I feel like "amongst" is a writerism; it sounds stiff and unnatural compared to the rest of it. Without hearing the beat of the song, it's hard to say, but how about "of everyone you have fooled," or something like that? Just an idea.

Overall, I like the idea of the magician/tricky friend, but I feel like the actual wording could use some work.
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