The Holy Man

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 51
There once was a man, a holy man, who traveled to the sea.

He beheld its might, its will to fight, and shouted out with glee.

But as darkness came, to end his game, the man shook suddenly.

On that night, a grusome sight, taxed him a priceless fee.

His faith was swayed, a choice he made, an outcast, horribly free.



Sometimes I wonder, "What happened to that holy man who traveled to the sea."

But more importantly,

What came back from the sea, and as I write, approaches me.
Last edited by J.C. Belding on Wed Jan 09, 2008 3:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
"There is nothing impossible to him who will try."-Alexander the Great




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 32885
Reviews 2058
Heheh, that is really interesting!

You have a great idea to start with, but it has just a few issues. Your rhyme scheme makes reading the poem a bit jarring--it isn't smooth. Read it aloud, and you may see what I mean. Also, in S6 your rhyme scheme changed, and that really sounded strange:

Sometimes I wonder
What happened to that holy man
Who traveled to the sea



Keep in mind as well that punctuation is your friend! Poetry & Punctuation.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 51
Thanks for the advice. It was immensly helpful, especialy the link.
"There is nothing impossible to him who will try."-Alexander the Great




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 29
I like this poem, even though I'm not entirely sure what it is about. I just like the essence of the mystery of what is out there O_o... lol.
(discussing the bible)

[Prokaryote] 8:46 pm: The books had some of the best characters ever to grace fiction
[Prokaryote] 10:12 pm: Haha, prove God is real, it's impossible



Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
— Corey Ford