Evil

[pre]Hatred,
seething black and tar like through my veins.
Rage,
red and hot blinding me.
Evil,
constantly trying to escape from inside of me.
Can't stop it,
Only just holding it back.
Don't want to do it,
Holding myself trapped.
There is evil inside of me.[/pre]

ARGH!
I WROTE SOMETHING BUT THEN MY MOUSE...GODARNIT!!!

Okay, from the beginning, condensed--sorry about the bluntness (arghhh again and again and again! I hate rewriting critiques)

So this wasn't too good. I didn't like it. It was bland. The first six lines had some imagery and an awkward rhythm, but the other part wasn't good at all. sorry.

Tips for future:
Imagery: It's such a beautiful word, makes me think of rolling mountains and vibrant trees.
Metaphores/Similies: The jewels of your poem, like a crown that it wears.
Rhythm/rhyme: Make it sound to read aloud.

Okay...pm me if you have any questions!
(Sorry for speeding through this)

To me it was a little bit short i knnow you probly intended it that way but still.
other than that i get what your trying to say and i think its a good poem but details are nice

I really enjoyed reading your work i hope this helps in any way possible~!

I would say the first three lines were like good,

but after that the last five lines you wrote were not really impressive.sorry!

I would ask you to revise it or rewrite the last five lines,I think it will work.

Keep writing and posting!!

eager to read more of your works.

Hmm.. This wasn't too bad but I have to admit it wasn't the best. I'm not really sure how you could improve it though; the punctuation seems okay and so does the structure, but on this point, I think perhaps you could have a little more for the first two feelings.

I've read a poem like this before, but I can't remember where. I'll try and dig it out and see if I can get back to you.

The beginning was wonderful but I wasn't to impressed with the rest.

My opinion is poetry is about raw emotions being scrawled across a page. The length doesn't matter, some of my favorite poetry is short. Also poems that go on for a page or more seem like they should be a short story, possibly with rhythms. I also do not care about the 'proper' way to write poems. When they were first written, there was no right or wrong way to do it. They were written because the writer had such strong emotions about something they had to express them in writing. Thats the way I write. My poems are all written in the spur of the moment and I leave them like they are. I feel poems that are all polished seem empty and boring (please don't take offense I'm not thinking about anyones work at all). A poem that is successful, I feel, is one that manages to convey the underlying emotions. As I said, this is only my opinion. Thanks for you comments.

Well, Hony, that may be the case, your beliefs not being anything to ignore, but it still doesn't stop this poem from not being terribly good.

You can go on about how poetry is an expression and how you don't conform to conventional standards of punctuation and structure all you like. The fact of the matter remains that there are many writes who shun conventional methods of poetry, but these poets are able to proove their worth through poems that are unconventional but good.

This poem is obviously an expression of feelings, and that is great. But your expression doesn't make me feel it. All I know is that the persona feels like they have evil in them... So? I didn't feel it at all. It was just empty words staring at me.

Firstly I would suggest starting a new stanza at "can't" this merely makes sense, you start a new paragraph when you start a new topic, this works well in poetry as well. You have changed POV, you're also changing the feel of the poem here. Show us through the structure.

Your words are okay, but as I said they don't make me feel anything. I somehow feel as though you are just throwing base thoughts at me. There has been no consideration to what it means or how it conveys it.

Often I am of the opinion that poetry is an expression and should not be altered in the least. Yet when it comes to things that are 1) no good or 2) easily changed wherin it makes it better but does not alter the meaning of the poem, I can't say I don't agree that alterations need to be made.

This may well have been a very harsh crit. I'm not in a fab mood (although that is merely an excuse). You do have a good basis here, no huge gaping holes and you have feeling and thought, both of which are essential to a good poem.

Keep at it.

Feel free to pm me with any rants, hate mail, or queries you may have.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

you discribed each word well, it is almost scary to think if it is true. the only thing i found wrong was the format. the bold word followed by the discription. i think it broke it up and did not allow the poem to flow. if it was formated differently it would be smoother.
this is a great poem, keep writing.

kim

I know some people didnt like your poetry, but i also dont think you should stop writing because of it. You should come back on the site and write more, there are always bound to be people who dont like your work.