Bright

I look into the light,
Its shine is too bright!
It's unsettling and painful.
My eyes are stinging so bad.

I try to turn my head,
but it's too addicting.
I'm afraid my eyes will bleed red.
I wanna turn away so bad.

Death's here.
I know it.
Heaven brings me no cheer.
Just undesirable pain.

When I stop hurting, it will be a relief.
but I'd rather stay in my flesh,
living in the world of misery.
Heaven may bring me none,
but being in between is hell!

'so bad' should be 'so badly'
'addicting' should be 'addictive'
'affraid' should be 'afraid'
'undesireable' should be 'undesirable'
'missery' should be 'misery'
'in between' could be 'inbetween'

Edit things before you post them.

A good poem, original, with a neat rhyme scheme, but lacking in a definite structure, such as a fixed number of syllables per line. Punctuation would be good too.

I really like this, although the first two lines are annoying me. Personally I think that the second line just sounds cheesy, and if you change this it would be great. The rest is good though.

Part of it confused me,

"Living in the world of misery.
Heaven may bring me none of that,"

What does heaven bring none of?
Oh and in the beginning
"my eyes are stinging so bad"
Maybe changing the words so bad or something. If you ask me it interupts the rhythm.

lol I just re-read that and confused myself. It must've made sense to be before *shrugs* I'll try and fix it. Thanks ^_^

I like the fact that you are rhyming. No one seems to do that anymore. But to rhyme you need a good topic and good rhymes. Your poem rhymes seemed kind of... awkward.

It is an original idea and I think you should keep writing poetry, but this one just doesn't "punch me in the gut" like other poetry pieces...

-Kylan

When I stop hurting, it will be a relief.
but I'd rather stay in my flesh,
living in the world of misery.
Heaven may bring me none,
but being in between is hell!

This part confused me. You said the person would rather live in a world of misery. However, you say that being between is hell. That is what confused me. I would suggest workiong on that and pm me what you mean.

This seems to be a sign of depression, meaning as to wanting to die, but live to want to suffer on earth. It's good though. Keep it up!!!

-Rick