Scissors

I wrote this at school. It had to be based on the poem Valentine by Carol Ann duffy.
(recently updated)

Not a bouquet or a sweet perfume.

I give you a pair of scissors.
Its blades clasp together; a lovers embrace.
Alone, merely knives to carve wounds and cause hurt;
but as one…
Our bladesmove in time.
We can cut through crisp sugar paper to create paper chain children, snowflake garlands or wedding confetti, if you like.

I am only being truthful.

Here.
Hold the cold, fragile blades and see the way they glint in the moonlight
as if they are stardust.
But watch out.
Beware the sharp, jagged edges.
One wrong move can turn our scissors into a dagger, a weapon.
For,If I be another Juliet, and our love be a sheath then:
"There rust and let me die."
The scissors will tumble to the floor and shatter into a thousand pieces.
Their star-like shine wll blind you with tears, a grieving reflection.

Take it.
Shield it from corruption and heartbreak.
Keep it innocent and pure.
We are the blades
and the scissors,
our love.

Hey there! You're in luck, I'm quite familiar with Valentine. In fact, I'll open a copy so I can compare the style with yours. From my first reading, I think you've done very well at reflecting Duffy's poem. Here's some suggestions -

Not a bouquet or a sweet perfume.

I give you a pair of scissors. [A good choice of object though not quite as original as an onion.]
Its blades clasp together like lovers embracing. [This is a nice line but I think a slight variation of style here would be good. Perhaps
'The blades clasp together: a lovers embrace.']
Alone we are but knives to carve wounds and cause hurt; [I think 'Alone, merely knives...' would be a little smoother.]
but as one…
We can cut through crisp sugar paper to create paper chain children, garlands of snowflakes or wedding confetti, if you like. [A good mirror of Duffy in the last two lines though the shorter one is strange and I think the snowflakes part is unnecessary. Perhaps -
'but as one we can cut through sugar paper
to create paper chain children, or wedding confetti,
if you like.']

I am only being truthful. [I'm glad you changed the line a touch. I prefer yours to Duffy's 'I am trying to be truthful']

Here.
Hold the cold, fragile blades and see the way they glint in the moonlight
as if they are stardust.
But watch out.
Beware the sharp, jagged edges.
One wrong move can turn our scissors into a dagger and cause a tragedy worthy of Shakespeare. [I don't think I like the end of this stanza. The reference to Shakespeare doesn't add much to the poem and I'd rather you looked for a more unusual disadvantage to the scissors. Perhaps mention how the reflective blade has the ability to blind?]

Si soy otro Juliet, y nuestro amor sea una envoltura entonces:
“Aherrumbran y me dejan morir. ”
La tijera será una daga y perforará lo que creamos. [This doesn't really fit the style of Valentine or the rest of the poem...]

If I should be another Juliet, and our love be a sheath then:
"There rust and let me die."
The scissors shall be a dagger and pierce what we created.

Take it.
Shield it from corruption and heartbreak.
Keep it innocent and pure.
We are the blades
and the scissors,
our love. [A good ending.]

Generally, I think this is well written but you could play with the imagery more. Look for unusual aspects to the scissors. Perhaps how the handles part as the blades are moved together. What could that symbolise in the context of two lovers? And what about the material they are made of? Good work.

Thanks, for that brilliant critique. All I will say is that the bit in spanish was only becuase we hade to add in a different language.
I think I will change the end of the stanza about the shakespeare thing, I didn't like it either.
Thanks again, Heather!
Charlotte