A lost dream

Up on the side rail of a bridge is where she stands
High above the river of lost dreams
Her heart is broken you can see that right away
Looking at her I realize what “heartsick“really means

A tear is rolling down her face, she can’t hold it back
And running down her cheek it leaves its shiny track
Standing in the darkness, staring at the moon
She promises herself to leave this cruel world soon

[Chorus]
She wants to fly far away
Wants to leave it all behind
Wants to stop thinking the thoughts
She can’t get off her mind

Because her pain is endless
she will walk out of that door
she will fall, no way to stay
She can’t take life anymore

Her eyes tell the story of the love she lost
It happened right here on this bridge
She comes here every night
To cry all of the tears she can no longer fight

She tried to keep faith, tried to move along
But no matter what she did, it always felt so wrong
Something broke inside her some day long ago
Her heart’s been bleeding all the time, she never lets it show

[Chorus]
She wants to fly far away
Wants to leave it all behind
Wants to stop thinking the thoughts
She can’t get off her mind

Because her pain is endless
she will walk out of that door
she will fall, no way to stay
She can’t take life anymore

Now the bridge is empty
She’s a lost dream, too
She has walked out of the door
She won’t be crying anymore

PLease tell me what you think!!

To know that you have written a good song, the reader must be able to make his/her own beat if you know what I mean.
I didn't get that beat in my head.

A tear is rolling down her face, she can’t hold it back
And running down her cheek it leaves its shiny track
Standing in the darkness, staring at the moon
She promises herself to leave this cruel world soon

I really liked this part. It was strong and sad at the same time.

She wants to fly far away
Wants to leave it all behind
Wants to stop thinking the thoughts
She can’t get off her mind

Because her pain is endless
she will walk out of that door
she will fall, no way to stay
She can’t take life anymore

Was this the Chorus?
You need to say what part is the chorus.

She tried to keep faith, tried to move along
But no matter what she did, it always felt so wrong
Something broke inside her some day long ago
Her heart’s been bleeding all the time, she never let it show

It is really nice this part.
Just the last line, It must be '[url]lets[/url] it show'

Futher on at the end:

Now the bridge is empty
She’s a lost dream, too
She has walked out of the door
She won’t be crying anymore

This was really nice, loved it.

I think it's great ,but not good for a song.

I really liked the story behind the song. Songs need to be relate-able and this definitely is. Just try to steer away from it becoming too cliche. As it stands, it's fine.

Up on the side rail of a bridge is where she stands
High above the river of lost dreams
Her heart is broken you can see that right away
Looking at her I realize what “heartsick“really means

A tear is rolling down her face, she can’t hold it back
And running down her cheek it leaves its shiny track
Standing in the darkness, staring at the moon
She promises herself to leave this cruel world soon

In comparison with the rest of the song, these two verses are very padded out.

She promises herself to leave this cruel world soon

Could putting the word 'very' before soon create a better rhythm? I can feel the beat and this last sentence seems to skip it slightly. Perhaps adding 'very' would finish it off?

She can't take life anymore

I really like this line and I think if you repeat it just before the next verse it could work as a sort of bridge.

The last little verse is a bit weak, but I can see how it would slow the song down well.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. To me it comes across as a sort of power-ballad. What genre of music was it aimed to be for?

All the best,
Alainna
xxx