Ode to Soup

*Content deleted*

That was really good... I love soup!

-- Lucky

*snort/cackle*

Lol! Pure brilliance, mate, pure brilliance.

You may slurp it if you wish,
Or just inhale it, like a fish.

Best couplet. Easy.

Soup is very wonderful indeed.

-St. Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate

Lol!

Very funny, even though soup ain't my favorite.

My only quibble is this, and not with the ryhme:

Or just inhale it, like a fish.

Inhale? Ew, that makes me want to... Well, breathing soup in doesn't sound very nice to my mind, but maybe to a soup fanatic it does?

If the soup from it does slip,
Make a puddle on the floor,

Could you add in "and" there, or would it destroy the rhyme? I can't really tell, but I don't think it would, so I'd say add it in.

Very good, and nice ryhming!

That's just a fun and happy poem. ^_^ We nned more of that in the world.
Keep writing it!

~Yoyo

Wow.

Or just inhale it, like a fish.

Ewww....

If the soup from it does slip,
Make a puddle on the floor,

Maybe add an "and"?

I think this is just a plain funny poem! This is a good children's poem, and I have never seen anything like this before. Besides the two errors I pointed out above, I think it is great!


Firearris

This reminded me of the book The Tale of Despereaux. Yes, I'm aware the book is written for 7 year olds. Shaddup :p.


Anyway, all-in-all, this is a fun, simple piece. But if you're "serious" about poetry (or rather, wish to write serious poetry, seriously), I'd recommend trying out some free-verse, just so you can loosen up your limitations and play around with descriptions and techniques. A lot can be done with meter without having a set rhyme scheme, y'know.

Anyway, that's just my two cents.
Happy writing / slurping,
~Ed

Haha! Funny poems! Love 'em, but I don't see enough.

If the bowl does chance to tip,
If the soup from it does slip,
Make a puddle on the floor,
Grab the ladle! Scoop some more!

Best four lines ever!

Lol. Nice! This was fun, and the rhyme suited the tone.The last line is great. Wish I could be more helpful, but I can't really see any major faults.

This is adorable! It's so cute, it sounds like the kind of thing that would go well in a children's book, with little illustrations and ... right, on to the actual critique.

I liked this a lot; so much so that my only real recommendations are formatting related. (I would italicize "so," and maybe join the last two sentences (in the last line) with "and," but you've have to try it and see if it works with the rhythm. (I'm not so hot with rhythm or rhyme, so I'm sorry I couldn't be more help in that department.)



(Merry Christmas, by the way~ I know we often disagree in the Debate Forum, but whatever. It's cool. That's the point of that forum, anyway. )

Okay, everybody ready? 1...2...3...Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! That was so cute! And now I'm hungry for soup!

Wow, that was brilliant!! Makes me wanna have soup!