Thorns on Roses

-Thorns on Roses-
(It needs a lot of work)

Verse One
I fight to get reality back
Storing it away in my possesion
I find that happiness is elevated once again
The garden's black and white in the rain
But the water runs west
To the setting of the sun

Chorus
But still I find the thorns on the roses
They're never dull, they will never die
Still I find the thorns on the roses
And though it's a crime, I come to realize
The rose is the most beautiful thing
I have ever seen

Verse Two
The rain died this morning
Our beautiful garden is green again
Gracefully the flowers color the sun
Causing it to rise again

Verse Three
I knew what I was looking for
In the garden of my life
I came across a simple rose
Now I'm picking out it's thorns

Verse One
I fight to get reality back
Storing it away in my possesion
I find that happiness is elevated once again
The garden's black and white in the rain
But the water runs west
To the setting of the sun
The first line was a good opener, but the second line seemed very oddly worded. I think you could work the garden line in better, it seems out of place the way you have it.

Chorus
But still I find the thorns on the roses
They're never dull, they will never die
Still I find the thorns on the roses
And though it's a crime, I come to realize
The rose is the most beautiful thing
I have ever seen
The whole thing with thorns and roses has gotten kind of cliched. I like the way you handled it later on "picking out it's thorns", but here it doesn't work quite so well. Also I found the line "though it's a crime" seemed out of place.

Verse Two
The rain died this morning
Our beautiful garden is green again
Gracefully the flowers color the sun
Causing it to rise again
You use some excellent imagery here. Rather than the sun causing the flowers to grow, the flowers cause the sun to rise. Really good. I think the last line needs to be reworded though.

Verse Three
I knew what I was looking for
In the garden of my life
I came across a simple rose
Now I'm picking out it's thorns
I think "the garden of my life" is to straightforward. The rest of the song has been told through subtle imagery, and this is just too direct and throws off the flow. The last two lines are excellent closing lines, I wouldn't change a thing about them.

I found the imagery you had with the flowers, the sun, and the rain much more interesting than the rose. My suggestion would be to eliminate the rose (except for the last two lines) and focus more on the interaction between the other three main images. Also, the way you wrote it, the sun is dependent on the flowers, and the rain seems to suck the life out of the flowers. But the flowers are also dependent on the rain. Maybe you should explore that a little bit, how the beautiful aspects of our lives grow out of the bad. Good luck!

Yeah I agree it needs a lot of work especially the first verse. I think it doesn't flow rhythmically enough. The chorus was good but seem cliche. It gives a nice message though.