Still a Tigress

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Ahem. This is about a black cat leading her random and disorganized army to war against a tribe of cheese-crazed rats. You never would have guessed, I bet.

A lusterless raven
is sitting on a lamppost, crying, "help!"

Our soldiers are falling
just like paper napkins
in the sink.
Come have a drink
as we march through the night.

Listen to the mighty tigress
who's only got a single life left
but this
life will stand for freedom
happiness and liberty
justice and prosperity
and
she's still a tigress.

Our feet are crying
for the marching
to be cut in half.

The enemies are lying
behind the doors
but I can hear them laugh.
Wish I was deaf
as they push me ahead.

Listen to the mighty warrior
who's come back with stories for her of
endless nights and stormy weather
and a boat sunk by a feather
and
she's still a warrior.

The clocks are going backwards
and the beds are getting full.
Half of us were missing
when the captain took the role.

I wish that I was home at last and
lying on my side
but as near as I can guess it
I guess I've already died.

A lusterless raven
gently ties his napkin 'round his neck
someday we might be heroes
but so far it hasn't happened yet.
Just don't forget
the soldiers you love.

Listen to the mighty tigress
who's only got a single life left
but this
life will stand for freedom
happiness and liberty
justice and prosperity
and
she's still a tigress.
"Hey look! A black shooting star!"

"That's no star...that's Fangala!"




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I really liked that poem--very emotional, and I thought the way you put it together was very whimsical.
As usual with your poetry/lyrics, I can't think of anything you should change :)
Keep writing :D:D:D
.:AYRA:.
everything i loved
became everything i lost.


Would you like a review?
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic73903.html




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Very nice work :D
Keep up the good work!

Genevieve




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*smirks/laughs/snorts*

that was funny! I have no idea in the WORLD how you can come up with a topic so...strange and yet funny! Great job! I loved the flow and stuff like that.

Great job!


BBB
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.




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Um...BBB? This wasn't supposed to be funny...
"Hey look! A black shooting star!"

"That's no star...that's Fangala!"




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Uh....it wasn't?

I found it funny...is that bad?
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.




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It was nice and very emotional. It also show good imagery. One question though, is this really a song? I think it's more of a poem than a song because the words doesn't flow like a song and its structure is like a poem. It also have many rhymes so if this is going to be a song it would be like rap.




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Ew, I hate rap!

No, this is a song. When I sing it with its melody, it does sound musical, it's just sort of wordy. But what can I say? I love words! Thanks for the review.
"Hey look! A black shooting star!"

"That's no star...that's Fangala!"



No one is perfect; not even your reflection.
— Chalkboard Words