Epic Poem 1

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I am writing an epic poem. I asked on the discussion forum and was told to put it here. I have no title yet, but I have the whole story. I was going to write a novel, and I had like five chapters, but they stunk to high heaven. I had the idea to write it as a poem, because I like poetry better than prose, and it is supposed to satirize the whole "hero" mindset. It is supposed to sound cliche at the beginning. One quarter of the way through, the gods fall and everything stops rhyming. But I've said too much. Please, try to enjoy it.



Gods will come and gods will go
The gods above and gods below
The gods know something we don’t know
That gods will come and gods will go.
When it started, all was balanced
But there was no one watching, then
All we know, is what is written
Once it started, there were ten.
Ten for all and ten for each
Ten for now and ten for then
Ten to return to when they came
To keep the balance, ten
The Dogun of the land and sky
And heat and light and men
The Dogun of the world
The Dogun who were Ten

Their story starts at nothing
And starts at all, at once
So this will start with Aloisera
In the hottest of the months
She was a girl, with long brown hair
She lived within a wood
She could not tell you more than that
Or, that she understood
Her father Elnis, kept it so
He knew of gods, he knew, at least
The people called him priestly
And thus he was a priest
They had a town, it had no name
But it had something worth much more
There was a shrine, not too far off
With an inscription on the door
Forged of marble, which was odd
No other marble could be found
And subtle in its providence
As it sat upon the ground
They knew it well, and kept it neat
And gave to it their hopes and dreams
It gave to them its blessings and
Did them well in that, it seems.
If not for them the holy words
Would long be gone to wind and seed
It went unnoticed anyway
For very few knew how to read
Aloisera knew it well
Her father had made sure of that
He brought her there when she was young
And taught her letters as they sat

Little daughter read to me
The words upon the wall, he said
They have no meaning to you yet
You are still very small, he said
It tells us things of men of gods
The heroes like of yore, he said
To you I read it many times
Now read to me the ancient door.
Read to me the words of gods
As I have done before!

And the little girl intoned:
The Dogun have blessed this place
For the hands of heroes shall be raised in prayer
To pray to them upon this spot
To do what they are meant to do
To keep the balance
To bring glory to the people
And glory to the Dogun


Elnis smiled solemnly
And grasped her by the hand
Then Priest and daughter knelt in prayer
To satisfy the gods’ demand
They rose at last and got to leaving
But she never did forget
The words written upon the door
And the things words can beget

All introduced, and inducted
The characters the gods instructed
For six more years they’d have to travel
For rhyme and reason to unravel
If I don't get you, PM me!




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nice job, neat job........i presume there will be a continuatuon. it's a shame this hasn't received any reveiws so far. i'd say the theme was great, and i hope to understand what exactly the Doguns role is and how the girl and the preist are heroes. the rhyme scheme was great in those first few lines and it faltered off......which is understandable when you are writing a long 'un and it gets tedious.
yes, even though you haven't said it i beleive there will be a continuation as i don't really think this is long enough really to be called 'epic'. also i'd like to say that if you're writing a story type poem, a ballad i think its called, you should try not to use the vaguer lines, stick to the story or ...........or well, at least that's what i do, but i think milton never stuck well to his story. i'll have to see Paradise Lost again. sigh.
all said and done this is definitely on the plus side for the theme and the promise and i sincerely hope there is a continuation about the highlights of six years........those charectars were beleivable though they didn't receive too much attention. do tell me if and when the next part comes in, huh? and thanks for the read.......
What syllable are you seeking,
Vocalissimus,
In the distances of sleep?
Speak it.
—Wallace Stevens, “To the Roaring Wind”




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Thank you for the comment! Of course there's more. It was originally going to be a full-length novel. I would have put it in the fantasy literature section had I not been advised otherwise.
If I don't get you, PM me!




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Good job. You managed to pull off the ryming scheme quite well, considering the size of the poem. The plot was slightly confusing but otherwise, good job! Keep on writing.
"There is nothing impossible to him who will try."-Alexander the Great




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Great job! it's hard to write long poems like that, but you pulled it off quite well. Tell me when the next part comes out!

jenni321
On a scale of 1 to Random, I'm pretty ADHD.



Once you have read a book you care about, some part of it is always with you.
— Louis L'Amour