The $70 Soul

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Background: This is a rough draft. So everyone can understand it clearly, it's detailing parents that think of their child as an added expense, and this is the child retaliating to their parents denying everything they ask for, not because the child is spoiled, but because she feels neglected. There you go.

Not all tangibles can be measured by currency
A hand to hold is immeasurable in paper and gold
And yet mine's being slapped with price tags
'How much is a child worth?'
'$1000 a season in clothes, $100 a week in food'
A pound of love was forgotten i the calculation.
Spoiled teenager, or hurt daughter?
Not worth the money, not worth the time.
December 25th.
When 5 feet, 3 inches of flesh is worth less than gleaming hardwood floors and ping-pong tables.
When the presents under the tree really only contain the cold, dead objects that comprise them,
Lacking the warmth of the genuineness of the givers.
Those that address her with the phrase 'Christmas Budget'.
High-tech headphones, sleek cameras, stylish sweaters, trashy books--
What they abhor her for, when she wanted their love more than any of that;
Only to feel as though they felt her worth all of their unnecessary purchases and hours of budgeting.
The middle class family with upper class greed and classless behavior:
Mine.
-Andi x3s youuu-




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Gender Female
Points 3454
Reviews 694
Hi ANA.

My first and only critique point I have to make right now is scrap this and start over. If your poem needs as much explanation as you have put here, it is not going to work. Put the ideas of the parent and the child speaking ALL into the poem. Your readers should not "need" an explanation to know what your poem is generally about. Even if the poem is vague, as long as people can make what they want of it it's okay...but it shouldn't need this much (or any) info attached to it.

So try adding that info, and then repost on here and THEN it can really be critiqued :)

Happy Editing!
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