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[pre]Trying to comprehend
the thoughts that
swarm in my mind
and constantly wishing
for more of the things
i truely feel inside.
cant you see how much
i love and lust
over you and how
i dread not knowing
how i really feel.
Can you understand the
pain and lusting i feel inside?



[/pre]
Last edited by kazie on Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"I am the darkness that dwells inside of my heart."

~ Kazie




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Uhm, I didn't like the structure of this, at all, I'm afraid. It's not really structured like a poem and although in it's entirety [I cannot spell] it was quite poetic, you didn't structure it in a way that makes it seem; like a poem.

You understand?
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yeah but i always start them in a jumble b4 i get them structured. its a writing technique i use. more creative and then i format it and it turns out aight. but i do get what ur saying thanks for ur comment.
"I am the darkness that dwells inside of my heart."

~ Kazie




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I still like how poems randomly come to me... *folds arms and grins stubbornly*
"I am the darkness that dwells inside of my heart."

~ Kazie




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This is kind of a nit picky thing to say but, you need to capitalize your "i"s.
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i am neither a loose leaf nor do i like loose leafs. really, i am a piece of wide-ruled looseleaf paper.
— looseleaf