A Little poem I wrote...

2 posts
User avatar
Brit20002004
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 4
Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:53 am
Brit20002004 says... · Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:53 am
I miss you
Please come home
I miss you
Why did you leave me all alone
I miss you
Why did you have to say goodbye
I miss you
Please tell me why
I miss you
You are the one I love
I miss you
All I want is just a little hug
I miss you....
Quote




User avatar
SeraphTree
Gender Female
Points 4209
Reviews 389
Thu Dec 20, 2007 11:40 pm
SeraphTree says... · Thu Dec 20, 2007 11:40 pm
:D

My first suggestion... really go into depth here. Why do you miss the person so much? Do you feel guilt, confusion, apprehension? We need to know what you feel. :D
We know nothing of the situation, so this piece sounds a bit like 'poor me' writing. :D Give us a little background, i.e. a flashback, a letter, an arguement, etc.
PM me if you need anything :D:D:D:D
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson
Quote

2 posts


Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury