forest night mares

Now this is just a spur of the moment sort of poem so I hope you like it if you don't I really don't care ^^ : from a girl you only think you know! :wink:





I'm running through a forest that you just
set on fire.

It's flames lick at my feet and my head
starts to ring.

It burns as if the sun had come to
earth.

It feels like your hatred finally
released.

It feels like hell will its blood drenched
walls.

Its dark red waterfalls, and sparks of yellow
demons.

I'm still running when I wake up, and I find your near
me .

Can you hear me?

PoeticWeakness4 wrote:I'm running through a forest that you just
set on fire.

Its flames lick at my feet and my head
starts to ring.

It burns as if the sun had come to
earth.

It feels like your hatred finally
released.

It feels like hell will its blood-drenched
walls. - awkward line. Is that supposed to be "with", not "will"?

Its dark red waterfalls, and sparks of yellow
demons.

I'm still running when I wake up, and I find your near
me.

Can you hear me?

I found the imagery rather weak, and a very unclear poem. I think you should clear up whats actually going on in this, and make the imagery stronger.

I agree with Dreami. The imagery is unclear. We really need the WHY factor in here, and more details