Guilty

I'm guilty of being a bad child

for my mother didn't love me

I'm guilty for being a bad sister

because she hates me

I'm guilty of being me

because no one likes me

I'm guilty of being someone to whom no one can relate someone with out a heart they say ,but i know different i have a heart and it hurts because what else but a heart could cause such pain?

but i know different i have a heart and it hurts because what else but a heart could cause such pain?

This was really the best part of your poem.

It's a beginners poem... not to be mean. Simple, not well structure, lacking all poetry, but I have to say that last line is really good for a beginners poem. I think you could make a very good poem just off of that line alone. It's so full of expression, really "wow". I like it a lot. The rest of the poem is just talking, just telling, which doesn't work very well in poetry. Poetry is feeling, metaphor, imagery, pictures, tastes, all of those things, but it isn't speaking, although it can be it just... doesn't always work out well? haha, sorry, I am not making much sense.

I really do love that last line...

I won't nit pick a whole lot because you are probably very new to poetry. What I would suggest is for you to pick up some books on writing poetry, read some poetry, and keep writing. That will help you a lot. You can only learn from doing, but you can also learn a lot from reading. Poetry is hard...it really is. But with a last line like that, I believe you have potential. ^_~


If you have any questions or would like to discuss something feel free to Pm me. If you would like, I can also give you book suggestions on poetry, and a list of good poets to read. Best of luck!!

Dear poeticweakness4,


No.

This is not poetry. It is a tour of your navel at its most nauseating, and most of it amounts to: "X then Y, Y then Z..."

Before writing anything else--find a sixth grade book on grammar and punctuation. Your last line ("line") is enough to warrant this as drivel.


Best,
Brad

Yeah...
This is the usual angsty dog poo that is posted daily on forums everywhere. I hope you're not writing this about yourself - no one shoudl EVER by guilty of being themselves.
Take Suzanne and Brad's advice, please.
Sorry for being so harsh,
Ayra