"Dealing"

"Dealing"

Trying to fight with words I dare not say. Angry that you attempt to break me when I am already broken. Annoyed that you always try to hurt me and never give me the chance to fight. Instead you leave me here to deal with all the pain you have left me to see. I cannot sit and wait for you to say you're sorry. I am tired and sick. You pain me and make me feel things I shouldn't. I'm too young to have to put up with this that you cannot control. You said you loved me and that you didn't ever want to hurt me, but here you go torturing me without saying a word to me. Only asking me to leave you alone even though you already said that you loved me and always wanted me to be with you. I love you and always will forever and for all of time.

this was just written as i went. hopefully it's ok. THANKX YOU GUYZ!

"Hope"

Trying my hardest to find something worth keeping.
Something to hold on to.
But knowing that i am to be forever on my own.

Hmm isues. dontcha just love drama. lol

I thought is was okay.

There was somehting missing. Kinda like, it's all about me, me, me.
And a little like, a pity me, poem.

I found that allot of the sentences were thay just went on, and on. A lot of your sentences could be cut down to two sentences.

Try to rewrite this.

-- M.B.Author

Let me just say something to you. Everyone needs to vent sometime, would you rather her vent by cutting or writing poetry about how she feels? I would go with the poetry if I was you. So before you start in on someone for putting their heart out about how you feel about the way you were once treated, think about those times and remember what it was like. Now think about what it would be like if this was your only place to turn?

OK LOOK HERE!!! THIS IS A FREE D*** COUNTRY I LOVE TO WRITE AND I APPRECIATE THE COMMENTS BUT I WAS DEALING WITH HEARTBREAK YET AGAIN. HAVE A NICE DAY! LOL



No cursing please. ~ Snoink

Please do not argue with people who are giving critiques. If they are giving up their time to help you improve your writing, you should appreciate them, not yell at them. If you don't like what people say, don't post things.

If the yelling/fighting continues, I will have to lock this thread.

aight my bad dude

kazie--


This never makes its way out of your own head to a form where it's accessible to the reader. It's a diary entry that you are using to recall sensations, but it stops there.

As a general rule, you can assume that what you wrote "as you went" is of lower quality than what you'd produce after spending some time with a piece. Those of us guyz who read and comment here on a regular basis probably won't find much value in your nostalgia exercises.


Take care,
Brad