Thanks

This poem is kind of personal, but I really liked it... so,please tell me what you think!

EDIT: I am not a poet... I am more of a novel writer than a poet...and I never really plan on publishing this or any other poem that I write. I just want to know what people think.

Thanks

For believing

For seeing

What no one else could

The true me

The person that lies

Deep inside

Thanks

For giving me the chance

To show you

What I have kept hidden for so long

Thanks

For letting me open up to you

Thanks

For never laughing at my actions

Or my words

And seeing that

There is more to me

Than meets the eye

I have been hurt

Thanks to you,

I will heal.

I like the content of your poem, but I don't really like the way it's formatted. For me at least, it's hard to read. Why not try breaking the poem up into stanzas? That might make it a little easier to read.

Besides that, I think the rhyming was done well and it ends nicely. Nice work.

Hey there,

While we do ask that you double-space between paragraphs in prose (and between stanzas in poetry, obviously), it's not necessary between every line. In fact, it's somewhat detrimental, because while line breaks generally give you a slight pause, double-spacing it gives you a long pause, so I feel -- like I'm -- speaking -- in a -- stuttering -- manner when I read this.

Actually, on that note. I think your line breaks could be longer. One-word lines should, in my opinion, be used very sparingly, and only for dramatic effect. Thus, "Thanks" should at least have a few words added to it (and I don't mean "Thanks so much").

As for the content... Yes, it's a nice "thank-you" poem. But as the reader, I feel disconnected from it. I feel like I'm reading a letter written to someone else, and I should look away because it's not my business. But really, it doesn't evoke any emotion from me. As the reader, I can't relate, and therefore lose interest.

The actual "poetry" part... Well, it's very shallow as it stands right now. I've said almost these exact words to friends, but in paragraph form. Again, this is more of a letter, and I'm still trying to find the actual poetic content of it. This ties in with not evoking emotion, actually. Spruce up your language! Play with the words. Find a thesaurus. Throw in a metaphor, perhaps.

Again, it's a good idea, and I'm sure whoever you're writing it for (as I assume you're the narrator) would really be touched, but as a general poem, I think it could be improved. Keep working on it, and good luck!

I can only second Crysi... along with fixing the line breaks (double spacing and lengthening) keep in mind that punctuation is your friend!

Again, I can only second Crysi, which might make my critique useless. Oh well. Despite what we have been led to believe, poetry is much, much more for the reader than it is for the writer. With that in mind, answer these questions: What do I want to make me reader think of? What do I want my reader to feel? What common emotion, event, feeling, situation am I presenting to the reader? You have to choose something we can relate to, or, if you don't, make it so that we can relate. As Crysi said, add imagery, metaphors... all of it. Make it more than words, make it alive. Make it speak beyond what you have to say.

I can't honestly tell you how to fix this poem. As it is, it's a letter, and I don't think it can go anywhere past that without involving a new piece of paper and a fresh idea... So I would suppose consider these to be thoughts for future poems.

And, keep in mind, the best way to learn is to read. Longfellow, Keats, Bradstreet, Wilde, many, many other poets I could list here. Williams Carlos Williams, if he pleases you (he doesn't please me!). Reading poetry will teach you more about it than anyone can tell you. Writing it too, will teach you, because with every poem you write, you will improve.

Best of luck!

I agree with the others that the spacing was... a really bad idea.

The word 'Thanks' would be better as 'Thank you', otherwise it's demeaning the elegance of the poem (and reminds me of an annoying 'CLANG' sound).

I do however like the way the amount of lines between the word 'thanks' gets less each time, it's a good idea and would work quite well in stanzas.

If you're not a poet, you might want to take it up. This is very genuine and has a nice flow to it. Keep up the good work.