Life's Competition

Copied from one of my earlier notebooks. I wrote this in fifth, possibly sixth grade.



Are those tears from your eyes or the love of the lies?
Did I win?
Did I win?
Against who?

Darling?
Honey?
Listen lovely,

No one will ever care.

Is that to cover your face or to hide your disgrace?
I love you
I need you.


No one's there.

Thats deep for gradeschool.
I like it, it makes me think about so much. I find it evokes the morality in me.
The rhyme-scheme fits perfectly.
Loves it!

I can see that it means something, which is important.

I can also see that the repetition is done well, and I happen to enjoy these poems.

What I cannot see is the point. The poem lacks any sort of direction and thus loses all the meaning it could have had. I understand that it was written some time ago, but that does not mean could not have fixed those problems up a little.

It is short and while I somewhat like it, it has no purpose and is odd at times. Not a good odd either.

I would suggest a complete overhaul. Use the talents you have now, since that time, to edit and vamp it up a bit.

It has potential, good luck.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.