Moonlight Sea Gull: Chapter 3

It was a school day once more and the hustle and bustle of teens and pre-teens filled the streets.
Some sat on cement ledges talking while others wrestled or threw snow balls at each other.
One girl sat alone... It was Saffron.
Earlier that morning she had attempted to speak with her friends but with no luck, they has turned her down and walked away. All except for one. Her name was Jody and she had not been there on the day of this ever so complicated event. She was always the most understanding one of the group. She was more of a listener than a talker.
She slowly approached Saffron. She smiled warmly and sat down next to her friend.
"Hey Saffy." She said, "What's been going on whale I was gone?" She asked
"Well... Its kinda odd." Saffron replied. "It all started when this boy came up to me when I was playing football with Emily. Then they all got mad and I dont know whey..."
"Who?" Emily breathed
"I don't know..." Saffron shook her head.
"We will fin out soon." Emily continued, "Don't worry Saffy I will never leave you."
"Thanks Emily" She smiled.

I promise an in-depth critique as soon as I get back from Piano lessons! Promise!

I am not done yet! So don't crit till I give you the heads up!
Try my other 2 chapters!

Gwenevire wrote:Earlier that morning she had attempted to speak with her friends but with no luck, they has turned her down and walked away.

Replace the comma after

All except for one. Her name was Jody and she had not been there on the day of this ever so complicated event. She was always the most understanding one of the group. She was more of a listener than a talker.
She slowly approached Saffron. She smiled warmly and sat down next to her friend.
"Hey Saffy." She said, "What's been going on whale I was gone?" She asked
"Well... Its kinda odd." Saffron replied. "It all started when this boy came up to me when I was playing football with Emily. Then they all got mad and I dont know whey..."

(To be continued Later)[/quote]