Graveyard of Good intentions

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Last edited by TheEccentricScribe on Thu Nov 06, 2008 3:12 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Hiya! ^_^ I'm trying to get back into the habit of critting, so I'm more than happy to crit if you need anything critiqued. ^_^

I’m usually a grammar nut when it comes to poetry (‘cause I’m not good with poetry anyway, lol) but I have no problems with what you have here.

“Scare him straight and he’ll be fine, I thought.”


This may sound stupid (being the poem idiot that I am) but who says this? Or is this a type and the quotation ends before the “I thought” tag?

A mother thought she’d raise some boys
and teach them to sing their hymns;
with tears in her eyes and supported by
nothing but the leather-bound book in her hand,
she knew it was those good men she’d raised
who were posted at the last bombing site.


You probably know more than I (considering you’re older than me) but I wouldn’t use a semicolon here. Maybe it’s different with poems, but these two sentences are very well built to stand as separate sentences.

It was pretty good. At first, it sounded like he was a normal living being, but in the end it gives a chilling ending in saying he’s a ghost. I’m bad at interpreting poems (how’d I pass English class??) but this sounds good to me. ^_^

Keep writing!

Jabber
I make my own policies.




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I'm pretty sure the semi-colon's use is correct. Thanks a lot for the review!

Edit: By the way, the cop says the line.
Last edited by TheEccentricScribe on Thu Nov 29, 2007 11:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Did not catch any mice ;) So hats off!!
Loved it. I especially liked your poem because it's very meaningful and deep.

-icy,
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
--Ellen DeGeneres



Books give a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything
— Plato