Elmstreet Avenue

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Reyu
Gender Male
Points 240
Reviews 124
Mon Nov 26, 2007 1:46 pm
Reyu says... · Mon Nov 26, 2007 1:46 pm
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Last edited by Reyu on Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

~George Carlin

The Completely Evil Plan.
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Azila
Gender Female
Points 7241
Reviews 721
Mon Nov 26, 2007 5:34 pm
Azila says... · Mon Nov 26, 2007 5:34 pm
This was pretty good!

I found it a little rambly, making me want to skim and a little telly rather than showy... but you just want grammar corrections, so that's what I'll give you. :P

Reyu wrote:My name is Jack smith.

Should be 'Smith'.

Reyu wrote:The dead only knows death.

Firstly, it should be 'The dead only know death.' And secondly, I think that since this is a reoccurring theme, you should make it flow better... maybe 'Only the dead know death.'

Reyu wrote:My only hopes is that whoever may still exist have not gone completely mad.

Should be 'hope' not 'hopes'.
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I think that's it for the grammar... you could work on it to flow better, though...

~Azila~
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Maki-Chan
Gender Female
Points 1650
Reviews 287
Wed Nov 28, 2007 12:48 am
Maki-Chan says... · Wed Nov 28, 2007 12:48 am
oh...this is great! I like it. It a way I'm like John Smith being open and stuff. Nt very religious, and I can handle the truth very easlily.

I hope there is more!


:D
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