I really liked this one. It was full of life and really felt...well, artistic in a way.
The only thing about this is that I really think you should somehow squeeze in there a stronger image of fire--just one word describing it, it would really help, I think.
Great start! Um...could there possibly be more to this? You really pulled me in, but I wanted to keep reading. Aside from the shortness, there's nothing wrong. You have vivid imagery and a good sense of rhyme. But is "slod" a word? Did you mean "shod"?
Ooohhh, very good! Maybe you could write more for it? I'd like to know more! Unless you want to leave it to our imaginations
"How many ways are there to kill a person with a knife?"
"It doesn't matter, it only takes one to do the job,"- Steal the Dragon, by Patricia Briggs.
Page # 20
