Jeepers

My friend and I wrote this. Wierd

Jeepers
Act 1

Mike: I can’t believe Mrs. Sniff is making us do that dumb family tree project for our homework. It is going to take me so long to try and find all my family.

Jimmy: Not me, my mom says I don’t have that much family, some weird thing happened I don’t know she doesn’t tell me much about it.

Mom: Hey boys how was school.

Mike: It sucked.

Mom: that is not a word that we holy ones use.

Mike: oh um…. Sorry.

Mom: it’s ok, just don’t say it again or I will shoot you. (Pause with a smile) Oh I’m just kidding (laughing) that was my attempted humor for today so now I’m just going to go lay down. Oh and jimmy make sure you do your laundry please.

Jimmy: I will!
Mom: Remember jimmy if you love the laundry the laundry will love you back.

Mike: dude your mom is so weird.

Jimmy: hey shut up! Ya your right.

Someone knocks on the door, jimmy answers the door, jimmy looks around but doesn’t see anything except for a letter it says beware of the masked man.

Jimmy: dude look at this.

Mike: what is it?

Jimmy: it’s a letter.

Mike: from who?

Jimmy: I don’t know it doesn’t say.

Mike: is that blood?

Jimmy: I am guessing so.

Mike: taste it.

Jimmy: I’m not goanna taste it what are you crazy!

Mike: you can tell if it’s blood if you taste it!

Jimmy: no I’m not goanna taste it you taste it!

Mike: ewe I’m not goanna taste someone else’s blood, you’re nasty!

Jimmy: ok let’s just say its blood! But whatever it is its kind of freaky.

Mike: do you know any masked men?

Jimmy: Are you stupid!?

Mike: what are you goanna do?

Jimmy: well I’ll tell you what I’m not goanna do I am not goanna tell my mom.

Mom: jimmy.

Mike: oh crap your mom is coming down stairs hide the letter!

Jimmy: where there’s no place to hide it!
Mike: quick stuff it down you pants!

Jimmy quickly stuffs the letter down his pants before his mother walks into the room.

Mom: hey boys I was layin down when I realized that…..oh my gosh!!!!!!!........... Now I remember I forgot to give you these dyno undies.

Jimmy: what?

Mom: dyno undies from the Salvation Army I got them on sale.

Mike: you where dyno undies

Mom: oh mike I got you some too, there rocket ship ones.

Mike: oh joy.

Mom starts walking up the stairs then says

Mom: oh you two should wash those I saw some nasty stains.

Very disgusted they drop the underwear.

[quote="Wesley"]
Mom: Remember jimmy if you love the laundry the laundry will love you back.
quote]

I love it! Of course you need to add commas here and there and you absolutly must do an act two.

Jimmy: Not me, my mom says I don’t have that much family, some weird thing happened I don’t know she doesn’t tell me much about it.

Here I think you need to have Mike ask what weird thing happened to his family or rephrase it like '...some weird thing happened. I don't know what. She doesn't tell me much about it'


Jimmy: hey shut up! Ya your right.

A comma after 'ya' and put you're not 'your.'


Jimmy: I’m not goanna taste it what are you crazy!

Fullstop after it on this line and a comma after what.


Mike: you where dyno undies

Wear rather than where.


Mom: oh mike I got you some too, there rocket ship ones.

They're instead of there.


Other than that it's not a bad little piece and you just have to be more careful with grammar. You should probably capitalise the first letter of each word after 'name:' so that it looks more professional.

omg I loved this so freakin much gosh I laughed my butt off reading this so you should keep this up and all you have to fix are a couple of errors which have already been mentioned.

It was kind of funny but It~s takes a lot for me to laugh.

That was so funny! It did look very unprofessional without capitalizations and punctuation, but it was hilarious! The mom didn't seem very real, alternating between joking about shooting her son and buying him dino undies. If she's being sarcastic with the undies thing, be sure you make it more evident, because I'm really not sure whether she's serious about it or not. Other than that, bravo.

haha this is hilarious!! his mom is so weird. this is a cliffhanger so you have to write a part 2!!!

This was a good read!

I liked it for a beginning. I just had a few questions about it.

What did you write this for?

and...

Do you plan on making an act II?