Meghann I

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I haven't written anything beyond this point- not sure if the charctersa are interesting enough. Would continue with elements of fantasy in the future if I continued.

Nettie brushed Meghan’s hair as the music floated up from the ball going on below. “You look wonderful, my lady. You have nothing to worry about.”
Meghan turned around. “It’s that obvious?”
“I’m afraid so.” Out of all the servants, Nettie was the closest thing Meghan had to a friend.
“I wouldn’t worry about your mother. She’ll be very proud of you.”
Meghan snorted sarcastically, even though it was a very unladylike thing that she would never do in public. “And I will marry Prince Geoffrey.” Nettie finished with her hair.
“Are you ready?”
“No, but they are waiting for me. Is Daniel waiting?” As Meghan said that, her brother rapped on the door. “Thank you, Nettie.”
As she walked down the hall, her arm locked with Dan’s, she gazed at the party below. “I am shocked that all these people are here for me.”
Dan chuckled, which moved the fringe on his uniform’s shoulders. “We both know that’s never the case. Are your shoes comfortable? You’ll be dancing the whole night.”
“You didn’t have cause to reminder me.” They had reached to top of the stairs. The butler standing at the top waited patiently. Dan looked at Meghan, and then nodded to the man. Her nodded to the conductor, who signaled to orchestra to stop. “Presenting, for the first time, Lady Meghan of Greeneshire, escorted by her brother, Sir Daniel of the Realm.”
Polite applause filled the ballroom as the two walked down the staircase. Her mother eyed Meghan very cautiously. Meg couldn’t tell from here, but she was sure her mother’s fine lines were pulling her skin tight. Most people consider a coming out the most important day in the girl’s life, but it was actually her mother’s. Not that the mother had anything to do with her daughter’s raising, but she was the orchestrator and as that she took all credit, good or bad.
On the second to the last step, her pink dress caught on her shoe. She fell forward, and Dan’s support came too little, too late. She was down before he could stop her. It happened that Dan had accidentally bumped into a candle, knocking it down and catching the ribbon on the banister on fire. A squire dumped the bucket of ice he was carrying on it, and some of the shards of ice hit the Princes and Prince, who had been standing near the banister because they had been cornered there. Another squire, not noticing that the fire was out, dumped a bucket of water he had fetched from the serving room on the banister, drenching not only their highnesses, but Meghan as well. Both Meghan and Princess Elaine’s dresses were light enough that they became slightly translucent when wet.
No one moved. Everyone looked at Elaine, then Geoffrey, then the blushing squires, and Meghan’s mother, but they decided to stare, finally, at Meghan. Meghan’s mother pulled herself together by taking a deep breath, then organized the servants- two would show Geoffrey to Dan’s room, where he could change, three would take care of the princess, and half a dozen would clean up the mess. Just as Meghan was trying to slip away, her mother pulled her by the arm of to the master suite.

“How could you?” Duchess Greeneshire whispered, something she only did when she was furious. Her hair was askew from moving so fast down the halls, and her tears were held back by her anger only. “What am I going to do with you?
“I’m sorry.”
Her mother must not have heard. Her rant continued. “I can’t send you to a nunnery, can I? The only accept docile girls. No one will marry you, not after tonight, and you can’t live off your brother your entire life. If he dies, his widow will throw you out onto the streets. You soaked the Prince and Princess! James,” she motioned to her servant. “See that those squires and their knights get transferred out of here, and if I ever see the seamstress who made that dress again… well, my current rage is nothing like that I will exhibit then, directed at you.”
Meghan tried to not move so that her mother would forget her, but she was chilled to the bone. She shivered slightly. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her mother turning around.
“Don’t think I haven’t forgotten about you, Meghan,” she said. “You will change your dress, go downstairs, apologize profusely to Their Majesties, and enjoy your last night of freedom. Tomorrow I am sending you to finishing school. If that doesn’t work, I will bribe a convent to take you.”

Meghan cried as Nettie tightened her spare corset, the one that she couldn’t breathe in because it was a year older, from before she had grown. Nettie realized that she was in pain, and so didn’t talk. Meghan took a deep breath and walked back down stairs.
She felt all eyes on her, and felt as if her mother’s disapproval was weighing down her train. She walked up toward Prince Geoffrey and curtsied. “I deeply regret your embarrassment and crave your forgiveness.”
He smiled and took her hand. “You are forgiven. I understand that it was an accident. I also would like to congratulate you on your birthday.”
“Thank you, Your Highness.” She curtsied. “If you could excuse me, I would like to beg forgiveness from your sister.”
“Here, let me escort you to her.” He held out his arm, and they moved to Princess Elaine.
When the princess saw her, her eyes were full of contempt toward Meghan. Immediately, the latter dropped into a curtsy.




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This is an interesting story...it seems kind of short, but I guess it is an opener. You have some interesting possible plot lines going on, I would love to see you continue this. Hope you post the next installment soon, keep up the good work!




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It was really good just a few things you might want to change.

Meghan turned around. "It's that obvious?"
"I'm afraid so"


I was kind of confused by this - I thought that you might explain what was obvious later on, but you didn't.

the one that she couldn't breathe in because it was a year older, from before she had grown.


This was a little confusing, it might be better if you say something like: it was her older one and didn't fit her well at all - something like that.

Also, you might want to break up the paragraphs more.


It's really good though! :D
It is better to travel well than to arrive.
-Buddha




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First off, double space! It makes it easier to read! Lol.

"Meghan snorted sarcastically, even though it was a very unladylike thing that she would never do in public." This sentence needs work. Try this, "She snorted, sarcasm flowing out of her. This action, however, would never be done in public due to the scorn she would receive from such an unladylike action." Or something liek that!

"They had reached to top of the stairs. The butler standing at the top waited patiently."
Try to not repeat! "As they reached the top of the stairs, the butler stood there, waiting patiently." Or something like that. Lol.

"Dan looked at Meghan, and then nodded to the man. Her nodded to the conductor, who signaled to orchestra to stop." This is repeating again! And the second sentence doesn't make sense! Lol.

“What am I going to do with you?
" at the end.

I can’t send you to a nunnery, can I?
Don't use contractions if the person is supposed to be a noble. In the daughter, it's okay, but not in the mother's speach!


"Their Majesties, and enjoy your last night of freedom"
Don't capitalize Their.


This was interesting...but it follows the normal pattern. But, with a bit of editing, it would be a great story! Hope this helps!

DR
"This kind of love is not a product of reasonings and statics--it just comes-none knows whence-and can't explain itself. And doesn't need to." Mark Twain



One who sits between two chairs may easily fall down.
— Proverb from Romania and Russia