Thoughts on paper

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-this piece has been edited by the author according to suggestions made by critiques-
This is just some strange thoughts that i wanted to write about for no reason in particular. It took me less than half an hour to write it so it's not fabulous but i reviewed it a couple times. I know they are weird thoughts but whatever. Food for thought...

Words.

They slip past our teeth and off our tongues so easily. They are exchanged so frequently that they are not recognized for what they are. Each word that tumbles out of your mouth is a clue. If you give one person too many clues, they will unravel your mystery. They will gain the ability to predict your words, your actions, your fears. One harsh word to that person will open the floodgate that they were holding your secrets in. If you give no words, they have no clues.

The less someone knows about you, the less they will interact. You will gain an ability that is not often sought after but, when gained, can be more powerful than the wealthiest king. You gain the power to become a shadow. Shadows are everywhere, they are expected but they go unnoticed. And that is what you become; unnoticed.

Words are to be avoided, but, if used correctly, can turn to your advantage. When carefully chosen, words change from shards of personality to tools. And tools are what shaped the human race. So, logically, words can also shape your success.

Words…

****
again, just thoughts on paper, and weird thoughts at that. :lol:
Last edited by cat4prowl on Sat Nov 10, 2007 5:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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I think that they're interesting thoughts and very well written. Two minor suggestions and then I shall leave you (and your thoughts) alone :wink: -

They are exchanged so commonly that they are not recognized for what they are. [I'm not sure about commonly. Perhaps frequently or casually would work better?]

You will gain an ability that is not often sought after but, when gained, can be more powerful than your wildest dreams. [Wildest dreams aren't always powerful. Perhaps 'more powerful than the sharpest blade' or something.]

Other than that, I have no suggestions. I thought it was a rather poetic piece. Good work.
Last edited by Rydia on Sat Nov 10, 2007 5:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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thanx so much for the critique! i was beginning to think i had scared people away with my weird thoughts. :P thx!




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Hey! This is really good, I mean for a girl your age. It's really good and well written. I didn't find any errors. It flowed nicely and Cat, you did a GREAT job!


BBB
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.




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And on the pedestal these words appear:/'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;/Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'/Nothing beside remains.
— Percy Bysshe Shelley