The Mountain

Not sure if this is the right place...but it looked right

This is not the official name of the poem, so if anyone has a good idea for a name, that would be cool

The Mountain

Rising up out of the ground
Standing alone nothing around
It starts small but begins to grow
Before too long it is all I know
To overcome seams an impossible task
Covered with thorns smothered with grass

Set on top is a small piece of land
Placed on top by Gods sovereign hand
A small slice of paradise in a barren place
With rivers and plants placed with eloquent grace
Fruit is abundant, rest is found
Not a single soul to make a sound

To get to the top is a task I must complete
So I can enjoy this wonderful treat
I plunge headlong into the awful brush
And immediately it begins to crush
Me out of existence but fight back I must
All I can do is in the lord Jesus trust

He helps me fight the tall grass and thorns
With power that is greatly foreign
I began to overcome the tearing plants
Stopping I decided is something I can’t
Do for that would cause me to parish
In this horrible jungle that has started to flourish

After hours of trekking I come to a clearing
But the sound of rest is not what I’m hearing
I realize that I’m not there yet
So I continue walking and do not fret
About the evil things that surround me
Many times I find clearings like these
And there I stop for a moment of breeze

Finally to the top I arrive
And I see the many dangers I survived
Many of the dangers I did not know existed
For my lord protected me from what I resisted
I pick some fruit and listen to the stream
When I sadly wake up from this wonderful dream

-bobiscool

I did write an enormous review for this, but my computer went totally phsyco and decided that it should sign me out and when I signed backin again, it hadn't posted, so for that I apologise greatly.

I liked this, although I think on your sixth stanza, you should cut out one line so that it fits in with the line structure of the other stanzas and also so that it works with the flow.

Also, I think a title change is in order. But you've outlined that so I wont dilly dally on that little issure. I liked the poem as a whole because even though you were desribing a mountain - of sorts - it was actually a problem ou were facing ad Iliked the religious aspect too.

Good for one of your first posts. Welcome to the YWS family.

did you mean the fifth stanza? that is the only stanza with more then six lines, I didn't even realize it had seven lines. I'll fix that. thanks

-bobiscool