Death's Colours

This was a poem written in a strange, suicidal mood so I am not sure of it's meaning but interpret it how you like





Death's Colours


She lay motionless in the red, pink and orange scents.
Watching the colours float past her aching head.

Hands grabbed at her body,
Tearing her away from her beloved coulours.
The hands hurled her into another room without so much as a word.

This room was much different from the last.
Colour it did not hold.
It bore only shades of nothingness,
That swirled into a pool of never.

Her body screamed with agony,
As the sliver penetrated her lukewarm skin.
But not even a whisper did she emit.

Searching the room with her eyes,
She begged everything to cease

Her brain, it felt as if it was pressing against her skull,
Willing, wishing, hoping, crying, praying
It to be free from it's hold.

Till alas, it was.
Soon the colour came back to dance upon her face,
never to leave again.

lost-my-mind wrote:
She lay motionless in the red, pink and orange.
Watching the colours float past her aching head.

The "red, pink and orange" are vague, are they swirls? scents? one word could help here, for the description. but I like it as a hook.

lost-my-mind wrote:Hands grabbed at her body,
Tearing her away from her beloved coulours.
The hands hurled her into another room without so much as a word.

"coulours".."colours"

lost-my-mind wrote:This room was much different from the last.
Colour it did not hold.
It bore only shades of nothingness,
That swirled into a pool of never.

I LOVED this stanza. Lovely. Though I keep thinking that the second line might sound good at "The colour did not hold" but that's just me I think. It's still lovely either way.

lost-my-mind wrote:Her body screamed with agony,
As the sliver penetrated her lukewarm skin.
But not even a whisper did she emit.

Nice description.

lost-my-mind wrote:Searching the room with her eyes,
She begged everything to cease

Simple and works well as a couplet.

lost-my-mind wrote:Her brain, it felt as if it was pressing against her skull,
Willing, wishing, hoping, crying, praying
It to be free from it's hold.

Nix the "It" sounds just as good without it.

lost-my-mind wrote:Till alas, it was.
Soon the colour came back to dance upon her face,
never to leave again.

Fantastic.

I really loved this. Fantastic job! Really really fantastic.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

Till alas, it was.
Soon the colour came back to dance upon her face,
never to leave again.

Amazing ending by far. "To never leave again" makes me realize that the person in this poem won't try to commit suicide again and thats really uplifting. Very nice job.

your poem is very sad. i could feel the her/him give up. you showed that giving up is never good. i am glad it ended the way it did, it gave hope. and that is a good thing

good job, i love it

kim

One of my favorite things about writing is the oppurtunity to present odd, unique, and extraordinary experiences. Sometimes, though, not everyone will understand or be able to relate to the things you've written. But when you happen upon the readers who can relate, the poem becomes something even more special. I found this poem to be very special indeed.

This room was much different from the last.
Colour it did not hold.
It bore only shades of nothingness,
That swirled into a pool of never.

I think it would be better to capitalize 'never'; it a makes it seem larger than just an eternity...

You've got some puctuation and spelling, but I'm pretty sure it's already been mentioned...

Wonderful piece. I tend to prefer phonetic rhyme myself, but with the meter you've used, in combination with the excellent fluidity, it's better without a specific, traditional rhyme scheme. Your choice of words is great and I, understanding the nature of "strange, suicidal" moods, applaud you, not only for the whole poem, but for the way you take the reader, and transition through this strange epiphany/ realization. I fell in love with the ending; it's subtle, but strong; vague, but clear. I want to quote out of sheer admiration:

Till alas, it was.
Soon the colour came back to dance upon her face,
never to leave again.

Excellent piece. Keep me informed with your future works, y'hear?