The Midlife Crisis

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Only 1000 words! That's like a page and a half of prose!!!
~~~~~~~~~~

(EILEEN, dressed in a white dress and jewelry, sits on a chair downstage left. Downstage right, JOHN is standing up, with a black suit. There is a blue phone on a wooden stool next to him. He looks to backstage right, as if he is gazing at his own reflection in the mirror, while she looks down on the floor, as if contemplating. They both seem tired.)

EILEEN:
Tough day today, hmm?

JOHN:
Yes.

EILEEN:
What did you do today at work?

JOHN:
Talked to Bill.

EILEEN:
Really?

JOHN:
He’s such an idiot. Why did Judy invite him?

EILEEN:
Yeah. I can’t believe he brought his 20-something girlfriend.

JOHN:
And he eyed Judy the whole night.

EILEEN:
Who told you that?

JOHN:
Herself.

(Pause)

EILEEN:
Well, he was always rude.

(Pause)

EILEEN:
My birthday’s next week.

JOHN:
I know.

EILEEN:
What are you going to buy me?

JOHN:
Hmm…I don’t know. Maybe a new toaster.

EILEEN:
(chuckles) John!

JOHN:
I’ll buy you a shirt that says, “I wish I were forty-nine.”

EILEEN:
Extra-large.

JOHN:
What did you buy me?

EILEEN:
That new remote, remember?

JOHN:
Oh yeah. I didn’t ask for it.

EILEEN:
I didn’t ask you what to buy.

JOHN:
You are going to though.

(Pause)

EILEEN:
John…do you still find me attractive?

JOHN:
Oh, not again! Didn’t we have this conversation two days ago?

EILEEN:
But you still haven’t told me.

JOHN:
(walks over to her chair, and stops halfway through) Eileen, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. Even at fifty years old.

EILEEN:
Beautiful isn’t attractive! And I am not fifty yet.

JOHN:
Beautiful is better than attractive. Attractive is too general. It’s when you look at a girl walking down the street and you want to get in bed with her, you know; it’s when you only want her for the night, only want her as a toy. But beautiful? That’s not something you see everyday. Getting in bed with a beautiful woman is a sin.

EILEEN:
But John—I don’t care about being beautiful! I want to know if I am still attractive, that’s what matters to me now!

JOHN:
Baby—you are beautiful. There’s nothing more to say.

EILEEN:
But am I attractive John? Am I attractive?

JOHN:
Yes. You are.

EILEEN:
Then why didn’t Bill look at me instead of Judy? Is she more attractive than me?

JOHN:
She’s five years younger than you, what do you think he’ll do? And he’s ten years younger! What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?

EILEEN:
I don’t know. I just want to make everyone happy.

JOHN:
You don’t need to.

EILEEN:
Just because you don’t want me to…

JOHN:
…why don’t you just start by making me happy?

(Pause)

EILEEN:
Tell me, John…do you look forward to coming home every day after work? Do you enjoy ringing the doorbell, waiting for me to open the door, eating my dinner?

JOHN:
Of course I do!

EILEEN:
Are you tired, John?

JOHN:
No!

EILEEN:
Why do you lie to me, John?

JOHN:
(Turns around in sudden rage) Will you stop it!

(Pause)

JOHN:
I am sorry. I didn’t mean it. Look, I am tired—it’s been a long day at work, and Judy’s party and all—it’s one in the morning, goddamnit. And I need some sleep; tomorrow I wake up at six.

(Pause)

(Eileen is weeping)

JOHN:
At least I am trying to make you happy…

(Pause: then a slow, cheerful tune echoing in the distance)

EILEEN:
D-do you hear tha-that sound?

JOHN:
Yes…what….what is it?

EILEEN:
I think it’s a parade.

JOHN:
So early in the morning?

EILEEN:
It’s night. So late at night.

JOHN:
Can’t be. It must be the neighbors. Or maybe an apartment building. I’ll go check.

(Exits for ten seconds, then returns—Eileen is still sitting on her chair, contemplating, melancholy.)

I don’t know where it’s coming from.

EILEEN:
It must be the neighbors. A radio or a TV or something.

JOHN:
Remind me—how many glasses of wine did we drink last night?

EILEEN:
I really can’t remember.

JOHN:
Is it possible to die from alcohol intoxication?

EILEEN:
I don’t think so.

JOHN:
Something’s wrong. I’ll phone Linda, ask her if she heard something.

(dials a number on the phone, and puts it to his ear)

Hello? Linda? Yes—this is John Singer. I am incredibly sorry for waking you up…no, no, it is…yes, I apologize…no…well, my wife and I—we are hearing this strange cannonade that’s coming from a distance. And…we thought you might be able to hear it too. I don’t know why…it’s bizarre…what—you can’t? Oh. Well then. Again, I am so sorry…yes…I don’t know. See you. Yes. Goodbye.

EILEEN:
Are we going crazy?

JOHN:
No, no. Don’t worry. Let’s just go to sleep, okay? It might go away in the morning.

EILEEN:
But it won’t! I know it won’t! It’ll always keep on coming, John! I have this…this feeling in my fingers, like we have nothing to do anymore. It’s like…this music, it makes me think. What are two people doing here? Together? And what are you talking about, what’s the difference between beauty and sexual attractiveness? We are going crazy, on and on and on. I want out, John. It’s been enough time. I am not going to sleep with you tonight, or any other night.

JOHN:
What? What are you talking about?

(Music is increasing in volume gradually)

EILEEN:
We’ve been married twenty-four years, and I just…I just can’t take this anymore. Do you understand?

JOHN:
What? Who…where…

EILEEN:
John…do you love me?

(Pause—music is finally in top volume. JOHN looks at Eileen, who’s looking at John, and then turns away. Suddenly there’s a loud crash, and the lights and the music are out. The only thing we can hear is John’s deep breaths.)

EILEEN:
John… I am scared.

JOHN:
So am I.

EILEEN:
Where are we now?

JOHN:
I don’t know.

EILEEN:
It’s cold.

JOHN:
It’s freezing.

EILEEN:
Maybe we should go to sleep, huh? I think we should, John. It’s going to take this whole thing away.

JOHN:
I think so too. I just…I just need to know one more thing, Eileen.

EILEEN:
Yes?

JOHN:
What made you do it?

EILEEN:
Why? Because. It’s our greatest weapon, John. It’s our greatest weapon.
my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away




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Gender Female
Points 5120
Reviews 317
Really enjoyed this! You've written about a very common feeling that comes to most middle aged women entering their fifties. Their need to know if they are still as attractive as they were when they were younger.

So I really like that you wrote about this topic. However I'm sorry to say I didn't like the way you ended this. I though it fine near the beginning, nice, simple yet interesting.

The humor is very good. I chuckled to myself.

JOHN:
Hmm…I don’t know. Maybe a new toaster.

EILEEN:
(chuckles) John!

JOHN:
I’ll buy you a shirt that says, “I wish I were forty-nine.”

EILEEN:
Extra-large.

Your characters are also very realistic and accomplished to show emotions and feelings through the dialogue.

So overall

Well Done! (I sound like my History Teacher. Hehe. but i mean it. Nice job)

-icy
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
--Ellen DeGeneres




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Yeah, this was really supurb up until the last line. The dialouge was very believable and really was exactly was you would want to hear. Even, better, I really saw this thing on stage (which is how I tend to judge plays first and foremost). You did some great theatrical things*: the separation of the characters in the begining was very symbolic, and exactly what people should be thinking about when they write a script.

But the last line felt contrived, fake, manufactured, and completely out of place. If I'm watching this performed, the last line is what is going to stick with me and that isn't good. Please revise it!

Overall, though this was great! Don't let one line sink it!

*Only problem with your staging was that you never specified where John went after he went offstage to "check" the sound. I imagined he moved to Downstage Left with Eileen. But also seemed possible that he moved to Downstage center. This ought to be clarified.
Last edited by smorgishborg on Thu Nov 01, 2007 9:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost

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It felt a bit flemsy to me. The dialogue itself was very good, but the sotry didn't seem strong enough. It just felt to random, the resolution didn't match any of the problems. I mean they were both angry and ready to quit and then they're just going to bed?

You might want to do a scene before this at the party they refer to. I think that could fix it. It just needs a little more backstory to support the section you have here. A nice script none the less. You have a good sense of dialogue.
"Maybe Senpai ate Yuka-tan's last bon-bon?"
----Stupei, Ace Defective




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I quite liked it. The dialouge was real and believeable, and it flowed well. Plus it was quite funny.

That last little bit... what did she do? The ending just confused me. You might want to add more or fix it up, because I had no idea what was going on.
*Don't expect to see me around much in the next couple of weeks. School has started again, and it'll be a couple of weeks before I've settled in. If you've asked me for a critique, you will get it, but not for a little while. Sorry*




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Hmm, I have to say I wasn't overly joyed by it either. First, I really don't know what happened at the end? That confused me much. But the dialogue is a bit dry and unrealistic, it seems. If I was married to this woman I would have divorced her the night of the wedding, but at the same time she doesn't really have a character and the guy kind of gets on my nerves. When using scripts rather than 'stories' it's important to remember to have the character's say things like they would in real life. For example, it's infrequent these days for people, especially two people fighting, to take the time to pronounce "I am" instead of slandering them together in "I'm".

Hope this helped.
Happy Editing.
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