When...

When simple really was
the easiest way
And difficult was something
only grown-ups cared for.

When way-back-then
was only moments ago
And a minute could last
longer than the day would.

When black and white
were just colours
And races were
games to play with friends.

When life revolved around
the newest card to collect
And magic really was
all around the world.

***

When time grew short
like the oldest of beings
And space grew tight
like the smallest crevice.

When mistakes were made
that lasted centuries
And measures were taken
that stopped the world.

When changes were seen
that skewed perception
And life was a new toy
broken all too soon.

When it was finally seen
that life was precious
And death was made
all too permanent.

When we realised all our faults
And just gave right in.
That’s when.

hey, that was great. it was just like the 'simple' you described in the first line. i also thought that maybe a nursery rhyme couplet rhyme might just have fit in here, but it's wonderful as it is.
i came to the conclusion that part 2 of the poem was about growing up. and when i thought of it that way it fit in so well i wanted to underline some of the lines.
for eg.-
And life was a new toy
broken all too soon.

this is a great one liner about growing up. i'd like to have been more constructive but i don't think i can say anything much. maybe you should make a sequel- about old age or puberty............................................

Hey, This is great.. I actually had to look at it a second time with a more critical eye to come up with anything at all constructive..

There's one typo that I noticed.

"When we realised all out faults" - should be "our faults" instead of "out faults", I think.

"And death was
made all too permanent."

Here I thought that it might flow a little better if you waited to break the line until after "made"

"And death was made
all too permanent."

But that could just be my opinion. *shrugs* Either way, loved the poem.

~Rea

This is cliche to the point that I feel I've read it before. In email chain letters..."Oh, those were the days. *place cliche images of childhood here* Ooops, and then we grew up and stuff sucks now."

I'm sure you can do better than this. Think of your own childhood; what was important to YOU? What did YOU experience that YOU can share with us from YOUR own perspective?

I don't want to read something tired and repetitive. I want to read something that will make me think, something that will make me say, "This author really has a talent for describing something I've never seen in a way that makes me feel like I'm there."

Better luck next time.
-Colleen

Thankyou, my loves, for those fab comments ^.^ I'm glad that this little poem had any sort of impact.

I fixed the typo, and you were right about the "made" Rea, thankyou soo much

I am going to risk being seen as a whinger and respond to your comment, Cade, with some answers.

Firstly; all I can actually remember from my childhood is crappy friendships and books. I read, I read more books during my childhood than I have in my teen years. I didn't live in this world, I lived in whatever world the next book brought me. I remember that kids collected cards, that they liked to race (I've never been a sport kid) and that the colour of your skin didn't matter. Those things in my poem ARE my childhood.

I believe I have mentioned my thoughts on cliches before? Something you see as utterly brilliant and insightful today may, in some time, become a horrid cliche. Cliches are merely well known, understood, and often loved experiences. To quote Shakespeare to a loved one is cliche, does that make it any less viable? Any less valuable to that loved one?

Finally, on the ideas of growing up. I have no problem with letting the individual make their own meaning to a poem. I do have a little issue with people assuming I intended that particular meaning. I gave no indication that this was actually about growing up. It isn't really. I don't mind you deciding it is, just try not to tell me to change my poem for a meaning you have given it.

Now, reading over this, I sound like a petulant child who has been told her picture doesnt have enough colour. For that I apologise. I would not post this except I took the time to rant and I don't want to waste any words by deleting it.

I do appreciate all and any comments, even those I may not like ^.^ so I thank you all for taking the time to read and crit this.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

On the subject of cliche:

"Cliche" does not necessarily mean "something we can all relate to." It means "tired, repetitive, meaningless because it's been in use forever, printed thousands of times over on Hallmark cards and repeated in every chart-topping pop hit."

Something you see as utterly brilliant and insightful today may, in some time, become a horrid cliche.

That's the point. When the phrase "babbling brook" was first printed, it was new and intelligent. Now, it's meaningless. Just because it was once brilliant does not mean it's OK to use it today.

"Growing up" is something we have all experienced. That doesn't make it legitimate. Writing something unique on that subject will.

Better luck next time.
-Colleen