BFF

Music notes dancing on home and hand-made paper
Group together to form a troupe of lust and love and tears,
Coexisting and coinciding,
Eventually outlining the shapes of two hearts.
Our fingers clench tightly, grasping whatever hope remains,
Scraping the bottom of faith’s container, until Pandora’s Box opens,
And our grins are contained and our hearts frozen.
The wind will blow and our trees have fallen,
But the ladder leading to greater heights
And greater truths, remains planted in the cracked earth,
Defying rainfall and ice, erosion and superior demands.
We live and thrive individually, reflecting the spotlights of
Each other’s minds, performing on strings, while attached
To one another, allowing in only the few that can attempt to understand the
Bond, the friendship, the strength we contain.

This is... hm. It's too abstract. You're working with emotions, or something. People, and what they are doing, and where they are going. I can really only guess because it is hard for me to understand. You're connecting realistic things with things that are too abstract, and you move from one thing to the next too quickly, and it makes it hard for me to understand and relate to what you are a talking about...


Maybe try to write it with things that people can relate to, or at least, stick to one abstraction throughout the whole thing, and spread it out and use it as a metaphor.