I Was A Teenage Bus-Rider

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written on the school bus, on the way home from... school


The growling Beast
threatens to combust.
We could all be DOA,
victims of a yellow death;
mixed expressions of unsuspecting children.
I guess you could call it
a near-death experience.

The Beast comes to a halt,
its padded feet screeching
on the pavement of
a monstrous buffet.
The fumes might be getting to me,
but isn't that a hole in the sky?

Forget the picture-perfect dreams
the future used to hold--
our shiny metal beasts
will make sure
that the hopes and dreams of yesterday
will be gone by tomorrow.
I think you're crazy, maybe.




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really good, even though i ain't that big a poetry fan. I like the idea. Nice work!
"Your Mother Was a Hamster! And Your Father Smelled of Elderberries!" ~~French Soldier, Monty Python and The Holy Grail.




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Haha! Loved it, it was so funny.

victims of a yellow death


Does this mean the bus crashes, or it takes them to school and school is boring?

that the hopes and dreams of yesterday
will be gone by tomorrow


Like, you have to go back to school again? Sigh... my hols finish soon.

You should fix up the spelling and grammar and formatting, but apart from that it was really funny.
*Don't expect to see me around much in the next couple of weeks. School has started again, and it'll be a couple of weeks before I've settled in. If you've asked me for a critique, you will get it, but not for a little while. Sorry*




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Good, but I didn't quite get the last stanza. Maybe that's because I'm stupid. :razz:
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir




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chocoholic wrote:Haha! Loved it, it was so funny.

victims of a yellow death


Does this mean the bus crashes, or it takes them to school and school is boring?

that the hopes and dreams of yesterday
will be gone by tomorrow


Like, you have to go back to school again? Sigh... my hols finish soon.

You should fix up the spelling and grammar and formatting, but apart from that it was really funny.



XD I'm glad you liked it. The yellow death part was going through my mind as a bus crashing into another "shiny metal beast". But I kinda like your second idea better. :)

Thanks for the critiques, guys.
I think you're crazy, maybe.




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woah woah woah woah waoh!

I swear I read this and commented...god I'm losing it. >.<

Anyhars, this is really cute, Qui. In a "Yellow Bus Monster" kind of way. lol
"After it happened I thought that I'd just try to live as normally as possible and bury it, but things like that don't stay buried. I didn't think it would, but it taints your whole life."

"My desires were bestial, obviously." -Jeffery Dahmer.




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iQuippie wrote:The fumes might be getting to me,
but isn't that a hole in the sky?


Love this.



In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
— JRR Tolkien