Space and Time

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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 52
Click.

All the lights go out.
Complete silence
Washes over us.
Our lips move, voicing words,
but forever muted.
Never to hear, never again.

A quick flash, bright lights.
An uplifting, rushing feeling.
And then
Complete darkness
Muffles us.

Say goodbye to vibrant skies,
but say hello to the beings that fly
They are blind.
Catapulted forcefully
into the Abyss.
And swallowed up by the beast.

Feelings rush back, as do the memories.
But something is wrong.
A presence, a memory.
Unknown until now.

Unfamiliar as though injected
like an intrusion of an unwanted needle
in the vein.
Unfamiliar as though implanted
like a foreign tracer.
Strange and irrelevant.
To the world we once knew.

The images return.
Overload.
Of color.
Of unknown territory.

A message?
From that, that man.
Whom had glorious wings.
Sprouting from his shoulders.
White and beautiful.

His eyes...
Wait.
He had no eyes from which to see.
But one could feel himself exposed.
As if naked, completely revealed.

A voice sounded.
Glance down at his mouth.
Sewn shut.

Yet the voice sounded.
Carrying its words.
Transporting them through
my ear canal.
Only to impact,
and bounce back.
Filling my mind.
Lining my skull.

Echoing.
Echoing.
Echoing.

"Beware of the fever dream."
The surrounding world
was an ugly one,
but we needed no beauty
other than the light
within each other's eyes. - "Modern World" * topic15452




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Gender Female
Points 2831
Reviews 170
I'm just going to come out an say that I really really liked this. You have great imagery in this poem. I could even picture the winged guy and I really love that. I totally have no idea what to say except that this was really good. (Gosh, stab me if I use really one more time!) haha Anyways...

Keep up the awesome work!

Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay
"After it happened I thought that I'd just try to live as normally as possible and bury it, but things like that don't stay buried. I didn't think it would, but it taints your whole life."

"My desires were bestial, obviously." -Jeffery Dahmer.




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Gender Female
Points 990
Reviews 59
Oh, this is nice. Wonderfully nice. I loved your beginning and your ending the most! It was simply perfect. Overall it gave me this mysterious feeling. Silent but aware.

I only noticed something I found a bit awkward. When you said about the sound or something entering the ear canal. Suddenly that particular term turned scientific. It doesn't sound poetic.

Other than that, I loved your flow and description. And might I say it again, the beginning and ending! Simply attractive. Well done!




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Points 8413
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Our lips move, voicing words,
but forever muted.
Never to hear, never again.


These are two different things, speaking and hearing, and as such, I don't know if you can really compare them.

In general, I like the metaphor, but I think it got lost in the shuffle somewhere 'round the middle. Some of the lines sounded odd to me; maybe the one phrase/one line pattern, when it was broken.



time was invented by clock companies to sell more watches
— SilverNight