My worst part of the day

I’m on the verge of dieing.
I’m stuck inside my class
I want to burn the dreaded math
And stab it in the –
Stomach.

I beg the bell to ring soon
Before I fall asleep
Who would have thought that happiness
Can be caused from a beep

Why am I doomed to learn this?
Like the sum of X and 8?
Why must I learn integers
And other stuff I hate.

Slowly ticking forward,
The clock strikes 2:04
There’s only 1 more minute left
I cannot take much more

I count away the seconds
That builds up forming stress
Then finally its 2:05
I jump and holler “YES!”

RedWing wrote:I’m on the verge of dieing. -> dying
I’m stuck inside my class
I want to burn the dreaded math -> Surely there are more creative means of punishment?
And stab it in the – ->
Stomach.

I beg the bell to ring soon
Before I fall asleep -> Anti-climatic. Does it just bore you or does it ANGER you?
Who would have thought that happiness
Can be caused from a beep. -> Beep is a terrible word. Imagery! Imagery!

Why am I doomed to learn this? -> It'll be helpful later on Trust me.
Like the sum of X and 8?
Why must I learn integers
And other stuff I hate. -> Another poor word choice. Imagery! Imagery! Imagery!

Slowly ticking forward,
The clock strikes 2:04
There’s only 1 more minute left
I cannot take much more

I count away the seconds
That builds up forming stress -> What kind of stress?
Then finally its 2:05
I jump and holler “YES!” -> Please, please, please don't end it this way. Describe your feelings!

I agree with the sentiments, but the poem needs work.
Comments in Italics.

I guess, my main complaint is that I don't see a ton of creativity. It tells things as they are. Do you have no insights to add to this daily ordeal? Is there nothing that sets your math class apart from mine? I want something that I'll be thinking of in my math class.
But it really isn't here. The rhyme scheme and rhymes are fairly basic, and there really isn't any alliteration or other "nuggets" of the English Languange.

But good luck on future endeavors!

PS: Rigel does great poems about math.....

Haha, I can relate to this.
I agree that you could use some imagery, but don't go overboard. Just give more concrete examples of how evil the distributive property is; don't go nuts with flowery adjectives. Personally, I like the plan word choice. It reflects your mood.
You have some small gramatical things, but those were already mentioned.
Nice job!

I think it is good. I think you could make some changes.

I’m on the verge of dieing.
I’m stuck inside my class
I want to burn the dreaded math
And stab it in the –
Stomach.

You are not alone.
I think you should put 'stomach' on the fourth line.

I think it is all right. Keep up the good work.

Wow this is great. hehe


"I’m on the verge of dieing.
I’m stuck inside my class
I want to burn the dreaded math
And stab it in the –
Stomach. "

That bit made me chuckle ^-^.

"I count away the seconds
That builds up forming stress
Then finally its 2:05
I jump and holler “YES!”"

I also like the ending, your rhyming is all good and i like the flow of it.


Byes,

Sarah..

x

*headdesk* Cute sentiment, but not best expressed here. To me this seems much more like a middle school student ranting about math--believe me, I know the feeeling. But it was not well expressed here; it was a stream of consciousness, coupled with a dash of hyperbole and some sickening technical errors--I'll stop there.
But my suggestion is that you don't take this poem seriously, because a reader certainly won't. As I said, cute stuff, but not amazingly meaningful or appealing to a reader. It's possible to make the subject of math in school into a good poem, but you might want to try your hand at something else. A great poet can write about nearly any subject, but those not as experienced will run into trouble expressing themselves fluently without sounding amateur. Go out to your local public library and read lots of poetry. Practice writing. Write about things you see or hear, not just things you feel.
Keep in mind that if you don't take your work seriously enough to rid it of grammatical and spelling errors (dieing? you can't be serious!), no reader is going to take it seriously either.

Keep at it!
-Colleen

Basically, everything about it that needed to be said has already been stated. All I have to add is my own awe that (dieing=dying) a simple word was spelt incorrectly even when a spell check is provided for you when you post a topic. But other than that, I see you need to work on your imagery and pick better, less elementary rhyme schemes if you wish to be a good poet. Anyways, loved the fourth and fifth line, (made me laugh.) and i suggest putting the fifth line (stomach) on the fourth.

Ok just saying, this made me laugh.

Yes, it's cliche in the way that this has been written over and over, but it's also relating to a common topic. So I think that everyone can really picture this because they've been through it. But I really can't take this into a full on review because I saw it as a cute little poem and so yeah...

Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay