A poem for a girl..

Why do you say its over?
When we both know its not
I know I’m not charming.
I know I’m not hot.

I loved you so much
But you sent me away
I tried to be friends
But got hurt everyday.

I met someone else
How was that wrong?
T’was you who made
This sad journey so long

And now that Im out
And moving on with my life
You seem damned determined
To fill me with strife.

And at last, I feel happy
Its exciting, It’s new
And Im trying my best
To get over you.

Why cant you just feel
As good as I do?
I found someone for me.
Is that good enough for you?

Be happy
Be decent
Allow me to live
I didn’t do anything
That you need forgive.

So stop making me
Feel miserable for naught
And stop trying to guilt me
Out of what I’ve got

So don’t hate me
For choosing not to believe.
Because I only left
When you told me to leave.

well i hope u guys liked it..thanks for ur support

I would have liked some rythm into this poem,like ryhming and all that,but then again the poem was good so that can be spared.

Well done!
It was good indeed.

The ending of the poem did show the anger in the boy.



Keep writing and posting!

Pretty good! Can't comment on the subject, but the rhyming was good! It scraped a bit in places, but I can't point fingers.

Be happy
Be decent
Allow me to live
I didn’t do anything
That you need forgive.

Put the first two lines on one line, and then you don't interupt the four line stanza that you have with all the others.

-Twit

The structure with the rhyme and four-line stanzas did seem to work, so why did you randomly throw it away midway through the poem for that out of place stanza? No need. In terms of the actual poem, it unfortunately didn't do too much for me: it was simple and of passing interest, but it was too unoriginal and too boring for me to get anything from it. Poetry to me is crafting words in original and refreshing ways with a meaning underlying it all. You've shown that you can put these words in some sort of order that maintains a rhythm, but that originality and meaningful message is a way off yet.

You missed quite a few apostrophes in places too.

The poem was good. the theme was a bit old do but I liked the boy laments in the beginning and then moves on.

I feel that the poem's sturcture was interrupted by the 6th stanza; the one with the 5 lines instead of the usual four lines in each stanza.

and the last line is beautiful there's sarcams there...I enjoyed that bit.

I think that this poem started really well but then it got a little repetetive. I think that you can completely cut this stanza -

Why cant you just feel
As good as I do?
I found someone for me.
Is that good enough for you?

Because you get these emotions across in the one just above it so it's rather unecessary.

Other than that, I like the rhyming and I like the rhythm. The context s simple but enjoyable and the ending was very nicely done.

Didn't much like the poem subject, it's been a bit overused and this puts people off. Also the language, the variation in it is strange. You use words like "hot" and predictable rhymes like "away" and
"everyday" and then surprise us by using words like "strife" and "t'was". Variation is usually good but in this case it just confuses the subject and messes up the level of the language used. It makes the reader feel like your trying to hard to impress. Just chill and do what comes naturally, don't scrabble around looking for complex words just for the sake of using complex words and sounding smart.
You have potential, don't waste it.

This was a little too long to hold my interest. I think rhyming poems, unless they're epic and tell a story like The Raven, should be short and sweet.

I don't think you need the first stanza is necessary. Also, the word 'hot' is really jarring.

T'was is old fashioned. I think you should take that out too, because the rest of the poem is in a more modern tone.

Thanks for posting this! Sorry about the really short critique, I can't think of anything else to say. xD Except that I'm has an apostrophe, always.

Jenna

thanks for ya critiques..much appreciate

This is prety nice actually, not something that I could find majorly wrong. The flow and rythmn were okay and the structure was easy to work with.

All I can say is that the idea isn't that original. Boy and girl plus romance is something I've read a lot. But, although it isn't that original, the subject which it tends to focus around is something different in that subject.

I'm new to this site, but I'm a member of another writing website, and I've sen this topic a couple of times before.
However, it was pretty nice to read, although at times the flow broke up a bit (lines) and it was a bit long. Still, it was enjoyable to read, plus the ending mae me laugh a bit XD

Sure, the words all sound fine together, but what does the poem do beyond that? Unless you are the author, or the girl it is written for, it doesn't do very much. You have a long idea here; see if you can metaphorically squish all the stanzas together to get one big, powerful, mind-blowing poem that doesn't spend time being cute, necessarily, but instead hits the emotion you're expressing right in someone's gut. As is, it's alright, but nothing spectacular.