Woodstock

That is simply thought provoking. I liked it I have no critiques; I just thought it was lovely.

Very nice. It made me think. I have no constructive criticism, but I liked it.

Ha! It's funny, but it's still very thought-provoking, as elephantwalrus said, and yet it's also quite bizarre, in a deep, evil way. I liked that you made such innocent play into this poem. I don't even know if it has a significant meaning or not, it's that interesting! At first I didn't understand what you were talking about, but then my mind just went POOF! and it was all obvious to me. EXCELLENT job!

Tonight, I let go of you, take up your shoes,
unlace them, make a Cat's Cradle--
the last such delicate world
[s]to be[/s] controlled by my fingers.

"Make" seems pretty bland. I'd change it for something more subtle.
Otherwise, this is nice. Sweet and reminiscent.

Since everyone seems to be posting and telling how much they liked it:

I didn't.

Muffin

Incandescence wrote:Tonight, I let go of you, take up your shoes,
unlace them, make a Cat's Cradle--
the last such delicate world
to be controlled by my fingers.

I think, maybe, that "controlled by your fingers" may work better, though on this I am unsure as it may - and does - edit the basic meaning of the little poem.

I half-way agree with muffin on this one. I feel like the fact that it's cute and simple is wonderful, and yet I don't quite like it... I cannot put my finger on it, which may not matter in the end because it seems the more times I read it (10th now) I grow to like it that little bit more.


Hehehe, I am obviously not one ot make much sense, and I have no true talent in poetry (who does ne?) so you may disregard all I say with great aplomb.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

Oh this can be taken in so many ways.

I like it, Brad. Good job expressing a lot in such a short space.

Diction.

the last such delicate world
to be controlled by my fingers.

Here, I would ditch "controlled"--it really clashes with the rest of the poem. Perhaps you could say...
the last such delicate world
I hold in my fingers
or
the last such delicate world
stretched between my fingertips
or like phrase. Controlled is just such a harsh, vague word.

Title. I'm don't know if anyone else has addressed this yet...but I'm not making the connection between this poem and Woodstock--famous music festival or cute yellow bird from Peanuts. Could you elaborate?

-Colleen

Colleen--


Consider:

Joni Mitchell.


All the best, and thanks!
Brad

I'm not quite sure how to read this. I really want to say "take off your shoes" instead of "take up your shoes" but that doesn't sound as pretty. The Cat's Cradle metaphor was nice. In connection with Joni Mitchell, things make a bit more sense, but I'd be lost if you hadn't noted it special.