cement flows when wet

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A street cuts into our skin
and between our lives. Our memories
hold steady the concrete wall
of cars separating this city
from itself. They can’t see

us except for our shade,
and we can’t speak to them
unless it’s with lead.

We keep to our half
since, “united we conquer.”
The truth is that our spines
are softer than our bullets
and alone, we can’t keep
upright.
Last edited by Bananasaurus on Sat Oct 06, 2007 8:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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I liked this! I wasn't sure about it from the first stanza, but it really captured me about halfway through the second. It was very lyrical, and the flow was quite beautiful.

I loved the last stanza. It really tied things together, and I could actually hear myself humming along to it, which is kind of weird, but I heard it, I really did.

So. Great job, especially for a first piece.

Peace, love, chocolate.

Muffin




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Wow, this poem is really thought provoking! I was a bit unclear on what it was about at the beginning, but by the end I understood. I usually don't say this, but the last stanza is my favorite. It's a nice, tidy ending.
My main project until Script Frenzy is an experiment using blog posts between four characters as episodes of a common story. You can read this work as it progresses at http://knowallchronicles.blogspot.com/.




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They can’t see

us except for our shade,
and we can’t speak to them
unless it’s with lead.

I love the linebreak here, but I just wanted to know - why the word choice of shade? It doesn't really seem to make sense to me in some profound way, as every other word in this poem does - carefully picked and placed.

Beautiful, though. Commemorations, etc
Carpe Diem.



“Writing fiction is the act of weaving a series of lies to arrive at a greater truth.”
— Khalid Hosseini, Author