Shadows

I've never really written poetry before, so please be kind!
Oh,and sorry if it's a bit emo...I was feeling a bit emo while writing it.
Also, should it be longer than this?
I dunno...anyways here it is.


People like shadows,
Unseen in the brilliant light
Of your alleged greatness,
Wander the halls searching desperately
For some small acknowledgement of their existence.
Their hearts grow heavier with each step they take.
Wanting for all the beauty and happiness that surrounds them,
So close that it’s suffocating, yet somehow still out of reach.
They float around aimlessly like tiny particles of dust,
Wondering if they’ll ever be noticed or heard.
Unshed tears accumulate inside of them and drown out
Any spirit they might have left
Until they really are
Just shadows…

Nice! This is pretty good for a first post, I have to say, and I liked it. Good job so far. Your metaphore was a bit cliche, but I think it worked for this poem-- the title, however, does not work, "People" is just a too overused noun that is way too general to have anywhere in a poem or a title of anything. Change your title to something like "Shadows" or "Human shadows" or something like that.

Here's the critique:

People like shadows,
Unseen in the brilliant light
Of your (why do you mention the second POV only once in the whole poem?) so-called (maybe alleged?) greatness, (What do you mean by that?)
Wander the halls, searching desperately
For some small acknowledgement of their existence.
Their hearts grow heavier with each step they take
Wanting [s]for [/s]all the beauty and happiness that surrounds them,
So close that it’s suffocating, yet somehow still out of reach.
They float around aimlessly like tiny particles of dust,
Wondering if they’ll ever be noticed or heard.
Unshed tears accumulate inside of them and drown out
Any spirit they might have left
Until they really are
Just shadows…

Ummm...thinking about it, this poem is too cliche for me... I'd give it a rest. I mean, it was incredibly well-written, but the poem itself was...well, the idea was garbage. Find something creative to write "emo" poetry, and then it would be splendid!

Hehe, Yes, I couldn't stop thinking that while I wrote it too cliche
That isn't really the the title. I didn't even think about, really, I was sort of on posting Auto-pilot...
Anyways,Thanks! You're my first comentor!