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I'm no poet. I can't rhyme. So I made a um.. non-rhyming poem. This is really out of character for me. Enjoy... I guess.


Your words hit me,
Like a punch in the stomach.
I poured my heart out,
To you.
And you laughed,
told your friends.
Blew me off.
But I'll be the one laughing,
Soon enough.
Don't open your locker.

Poem don't have to rhyme.

I poured my heart out,
To you.

This has been done so often it means nothing to me. Try putting it differently, what have you done for this person to get them to love you?

And you laughed,
told your friends.
Blew me off.

I liked this part as it somehow shows what the person did for you to warn them not to open his/her locker.

I very much like this poem. And it doesn't matter that it doesn't rhyme as they don't have to...you're the writer you can do what you like with it to be quite honest. But anyways...

I like the idea of this even though i've heard it quite a few times before.

Maybe you could describe things alittle more, elaborate abit if that makes sence. As it is very short...unless you wanted it to be short on purpose.

"But I'll be the one laughing,
Soon enough.
Don't open your locker."

I love this bit, because its all like... Mwahahahahahah revenge!


And i like the way you put the last line in bold.

Anyways, i am crazy so i'll go now...

Bye,

x

Oh my gosh.. This gave me chills down my spine!

Super! I love how you created suspense with your first two lines; because you got me thinking... Ooh what's going on here; and then blam we're hit by the bullies and the girl who wants revenge and soon enough gets it.

I wonder what is in the locker?

My God!
Whats In The Locker!
Gosh
this is good
kinda scary lol

Coo lummy, what's in the locker??

Sorry, nothing helpful or blighting to say, only that I liked it.

It's quite alright if poems don't rhyme; personally, I often prefer non-rhyming poems

Lovely concept; I like the last line because it gets the point across beautifully, yet it isn't overstated. I think it could do without the bold, though; I think it would be more effective if said deadpan, so that the reader kinda glosses over it but then goes "hey, wait a minute, what?" If you wanted to emphasize this line, you could space it apart from the rest of the poem (lines like: poem; poem; poem; [empty line]; last line).

Since this poem is so short, you should concentrate on giving every word as much impact as you possibly can. For example, the first line, "Your words hit me" hit is an alright verb, and it would be fine if paired with something that would verbally punch the reader in the gut, but it's followed by "like a punch in the stomach" That's an alright line too, but I think it could be better. I don't know if you've ever been punched in the stomach? If you haven't imagine what it would feel like: imagine someones fist connecting with your stomach, all that force concentrating at that point, collapsing you in half. Got the idea of a feeling? Pack it all into one line that makes the reader feel like they've been punched in the stomach, not just told about it.

Similar with "I poured my heart out/ to you" since it's another phrase that is used all the time, but few people stop to think about what it really means, what feeling you can take from it. This would be an excellent place to expand the imagery. Again, what does it actually feel like to "pour your heart out"? does it clench your heart, stretch it, smush it, etc.?

A quick note on formatting: not every line must begin with a capital letter, and not every line must end with a period or comma. While these are useful things, they're not rigid rules, so feel free to play with them, put them where you think they'll be best used.

I still love the last line ^_^ PM me if you have any questions!
-Amelia

Oooh what a threatening poem??? I must admit here that the last line does really make the rest of the poem work...so er yay for the last line?!

...wonder what's in the locker...

Meevs