Hearts..

Two hearts
Fragile, hurting, broken...

Separated by space and time
by oceans, mountains, thousands of miles...

Now connected by the all-reaching electronic web

Two hearts
Linked...
Bonded in a near instant connection of shared pain, and mutual understanding

Two hearts
Brought to life by love
by trust, or at least the Will to trust...

Two hearts
Intertwined, burning now, with love that marks the soul...


And yet they are still...


Two hearts

Entrenched, closed off by old fear
by instincts, solid defenses created for self-preservation, created to hide...


Will they ever fully open..?

I think this has a lot of possibility, but a lot of space in between where it is and where it can be. I'm not even entirely sure what you were written about--besides two hearts, people in love--is there a deeper subject than that? I think what you are getting at is internet love, which is a very new and interesting subject to be writing about. But with your open you lack so much emotion that I can't feel anything for the poem or the narrators.

Emotional poetry is difficult, or rather, it has to be done with a certain caution in mind. You really have to write it so that you tap into the readers head and make them feel something, otherwise it's useless words on a page. Another thing about this poem that you might think about is the fact that it doesn't have many poetic elements to it--why not try to use metaphors and imagery to explain the love better?

Hope this helped!

I liked this. I always love poems, eapecially love poems.

It was short and sweet. And I like poems like that.

Good Job !

-- M.B.Author

what i felt whle reading your poem, is that two hearts connect again. find each other, since it is internet communication they cant quite combine. also at the end you show, that their fears keep them from completely becoming one. i liked it alot. great job

"Fragile, hurting, broken..."--here the 'hurting' should be 'hurt'.

Other than that, it's technically perfect. However--I would try to delve even deeper than this surface. It's nice and sweet; let's make it passionate and deep!

-Evang.

Nice.

This is really good. You used very ice vocabulary, very nice structure. I especially liked the last stanza that talks about "closed off by old instincts, fear"...

My only problem is it is way too hard to understand, therefore it feels shallow to the reader. It's sort of like a really good Edgar Allen Poe story, where you hate it because you never know what the characters are talking about, doing, thinking, but you love it because it souunds so good. You need to explain yo us what it means: is it that electronic romace is overrated? Because that is what I got from this.

Maybe show us more. This poem is a lot of tellin', but no showing. I try to find a way to incrporate some showing into this, but I can't. I'll be impressed if you do.

PM me for questions!