Please critique "Demon" !!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Uh, yeah, that'd be awesome if someone would crit my last entry to the action\adventure fantasy section. It's like, four of five pragraphs long, and it's been there since the 18th, and, for some reason, no one's critiqued it yet. I will crit a story of the first person to crit mine. Anyway, it's called "Demon", but it need a new title. Thanks!




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done.

BTW, please refrain from posting stuff like this in the lounge...after all, if everyone did it...well, we'd have a lot of requests. If you feel the need to do so, use your thread in the "About the Authors" category.
Got YWS? I do.

Lumi: Don't you drag my donobby into this.
Lumi: He's the sweetest angel this side of hades.




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K I'll be sure to do dat




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much thanks
Got YWS? I do.

Lumi: Don't you drag my donobby into this.
Lumi: He's the sweetest angel this side of hades.



In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
— JRR Tolkien