Mortal Nemesis

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wildlove100%
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Wed May 09, 2007 7:41 am
wildlove100% says... · Wed May 09, 2007 7:41 am
n/a
Last edited by wildlove100% on Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Matt Bellamy
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Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:51 pm
Matt Bellamy says... · Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:51 pm
*Gasp* 9th of May? Why hasn't this been critiqued?
Shame on you, YWS!

Anyway, I liked this. It flowed nicely, the rhythm is good, and I like the concept. However:

I think in the first line you might mean "laid bare"?
and
"It was I I'd feared," might sound better if it was changed to "It was myself I had feared".

Aside from that, good job.
Matt.
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I wondered why we put villains in our stories when we have plenty of them in real life; then I realized that maybe we wanted stories where the good guy wins.
— nogutsnoglory