Troubleshooting

Just troubleshooting!
Just chasing the breeze.

Surfing the net
Just as I so please.

Well all of a sudden
"Error" it says
So it turned out
To be one of those days.

Just troubleshooting!
Dust on the wind

Just surfing for fun.
Couldn't care less if
I lost or I won.

"Error! Error!"
Took the shine from my day.

"Error! Error!"
Now I'm pining away.

Just a rough effort. The story should be posted soon.

Just a rough effort. The story should be posted soon.

These are lyrics for a song, right? So I'm guessing from this part ^ that it would be part of a story, someone singing it perhaps?

I'm afraid I'm not all that good at judging how good lyrics are on their own. Some of my favourite musical pieces have had barely any words, while some that are supposed to have utterly amazing lyrics, I haven't liked. =P But I'll give it a go at least. =)

Just troubleshooting!
Just chasing the breeze.

Surfing the net
Just as I so please.

In my opinion, this last line sounds a little awkward, not very natural. It also seems as though you're perhaps putting too much emphasis on the rhyming -- you could have better content here, but instead some of these words don't seem to have any real meaning behind them. Basically what I'm getting so far is that you're on the net, perhaps trying to fix something (?), and obviously enjoying it, if only for the freedom you've been given.

Well all of a sudden
"Error" it says
So it turned out
To be one of those days.

This is a little odd, how you apparently just saw this error, as you already said you were "troubleshooting", which I thought meant you were already fixing something. Still, perhaps this is just one of these artsy things that people do when they write lyrics or a flashback or something. I'm not sure.

Another thing is that "one of those days" makes it sound as though it's a really bad thing to happen. But we aren't given any detail. Error, at least by itself, doesn't sound all that threatening to me. Unless the singer is particularly depressed, can't work computers, something like that?

Just troubleshooting!
Dust on the wind

Just surfing for fun.
Couldn't care less if
I lost or I won.

Thought I should point out the strange thing here, which you might not have noticed. As I said above, it seemed as though the "error" was a pretty big deal, yet here you say "couldn't care less if I lost or won" which seems to imply the opposite. Something to look at perhaps?

I see you've mentioned the wind again here. I like how you stress the wind/breeze imagery, but I'm still not entirely sure why it's here, as it doesn't seem to have much to do with computers -- unless this is a freedom thing again.

"Error! Error!"
Took the shine from my day.

"Error! Error!"
Now I'm pining away.

Contrast again here. "pining away", "took the shine from my day" -- both of these sound pretty dire.

I like this "Error! Error!" bit at the end though, and how you repeat it again in the next verse.

Overall, this is a pretty interesting piece. I'd like to see the story that goes with it, once you've written it, as I feel the lyrics would make more sense to me then.

Hope I helped! I tried to look at it as I would a poem, as I can't hear the music. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions though, and I'd be happy to help! =)

Kay.

Just troubleshooting!
Just chasing the breeze.

Surfing the net
Just as I [s]so[/s] please.

[s]Well[/s]When all of a sudden,
"Error" it says
and So it turned out
To be one of those days.

Just troubleshooting!
Dust on the wind

Just surfing for fun.
Couldn't care less if
I lost or I won.

That uber clanky, I couldn't think of much way to fix it either. I suggest trying some various differnt words and see of you can get it to flow better.

"Error! Error!"
Took the shine from my day.

"Error! Error!"
Now I'm pining away.

Just a rough effort. The story should be posted soon.

It sounds nice, an interesting idea to say the least. It had some good spots and some not so good spots. It had trouble flowing cause you kept mixing the rythme, it made the song drag and not work well.

It might sound right with music but just reading it leaves a little to be desired. I'm sure you can figure it out though.