In a Dream

This poem was not initially seperated into stanzas, and I didn't intend to at all. I thought about it and decided that it may be easier for you, the reader, to look& read it if it were. It shouldnt lose any of the meaning.. (if there is a meaning) =D Emjoi.
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Am I crazy to be living in a dream
with the living mind of the beautiful poseur,
the magic rambling of the wanted whore?
I am the fantastic monster of the missing
skipper in the sea of the damned
and yet, and yet and yet
I miss it all.

In a black and white existence all I see is grey
and you ask me everyday what my favourite colour is,
all I can say I say that I can say is that I can say...
Am I crazy to be living in a dream
where the blue gums cry tears of joy,
the grasslands streaming over reams of overturned land?
I tumble through the waters of seamless colour
rainbow crystals glistening; a gift from on high
and yet, and yet and yet
I hardly care.

In a world of answers I ask myself questions.
Never once can an answer be given, even to those most important;
what can I do about the things I do about what I can do about those things I can do?
Am I crazy to be living in a dream?
I miss it all.
I hardly care.
Am I crazy;
living,
dreaming.

hmmm on one hand this reminds me of some lyrics from a band I know. On the other, it doesn't work quite well as poetry.

First off, on your stanzas: you say you do them for the readers ease and really with no intention. Everything in a poem should be done for a reason, with an intention in mind, including stanza. Just something to think on.

I didn't really like this, because it was all "I, I, I" and it was kind of vague. You're telling us, "I live in a world like THIS," but how can we compare that to things that have happened to us when your descriptions are so vague? Keep in mind as well that, just like with fiction, showing is often times much more powerful than telling.

I'm not sure what else to say, hmmm. oh well. Hope I helped!

with the living mind of the beautiful poseur,
the magic rambling of the wanted whore?

Beautiful. All else can go if you keep this.

I'd remove any repeated words, it just isnt necessary. Overall, it was ok. A little vague, but with lots of hope and a good base.

Muchas Gracias to you all for the commentation. It is, as always, very much appreciated.

This peice was written, as much of my work it seems, on a whim; spur of the moment. So getting any kind of comment for it roxxors (ahahaha).


Once again, I thankyou!



*hearts* Le Penguin.