Life is like a sudden death (one mistake and you're gone)

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You don't know what your getting yourself into
Is this a joke?
Or are you insane?
Put the razor and the beer away
I love you!
Don't you even go there
(hold the trigger)
(Dont shoot your gun!)


We are nothing
when you're gone
Your angel haunting it's so sick
It's so wrong
I dont know who you are
Do what ever the hell you want
Just dont let me watch.
(Make sure I'm gone)

Rain over me!
Can't you see...
When I melt in your arms
I dont want it to end
Yet you still wan't to leave
not only me
But this world
You say it's only good for you...
and me
(Bt what is it good for me)
(Tell me please)


Your cut on your wrist
(The blood is streaming to your finger tips)
The drugs just begin
(And the shots you took, well they're kicking in.)
Please stop this!
I love you!
I AM NOTHING WITHOUT YOU!


Your pale skin and the blood
It's killing me!
Tears stream down my cheeks
(Don't ask why I'm crying)
You know what it is.
Dont be such an idiot
I love you
My heart beats for you
It's gonna be ok
(Believe in me)

Rain over me!
Can't you see...
When I melt in your arms
I dont want it to end
Yet you still wan't to leave
not only me
But this world
You say it's only good for you...
and me
(But what is it good for me)
(Tell me please)

(My heart is it's beating the rhythm of your melody)
(My heart is it's beating the rhythm of your melody)
(It beats,It beats)
(It beats,It beats)
It only bets for you!

Rain over me!
Can't you see...
When I melt in your arms
I dont want it to end
Yet you still wan't to leave
not only me
But this world
You say it's only good for you...
and me
(Bt what is it good for me)
(Tell me please)

I'm nothing,nothing without you
Please dont leave this world
Leave me and only me dont leave to the angels land.
And if my lungs stilll let me breathe, will you be there for me?




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 42
I like this. It feels original. The message is clear and the title fits with the concept. I like how you started the chorus (I think that's what it is). The proportions for the stanzas felt right.

(Now for the bad news.)

Some typos (easily fixed :P ). I don't really understand why the elipsis (...) are needed, and there are a lot of parenthesies, which I personally feel are unneeded or can at least be decreased in amount.

In these two lines, I didn't quite understand what you were saying...
(But what is it good for me)
...
(My heart is it's beating the rhythm of your melody)


Hope to see more!
Lestat: What have we told you? Never in the house.

Claudia: I promise I'll get rid of the bodies.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 25
the parantheses were for backup/whispering vox.
And if my lungs stilll let me breathe, will you be there for me?



“And how shall I think of you?' He considered a moment and then laughed. 'Think of me with my nose in a book!”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell