freedom

The hills sparkled with the lift rain that drizzled down.
She stood in the center of it all,
He hair was the wind, whisking around her childlike face.
She began to sway.
She twirled as though the earth was singing to her,
A song that cannot be ignored.
Her body turned liquid, joining in with the rain.
She opened her mouth and let out a whisper,
Her voice was the wind.
Her body the rain.
Yet she is unseen, unheard by most.
She is me, she is you.
She is what we desire and what we hate

Freedom

The descriptions in this are pleasant and I like your general theme and the extended metaphor. However, it has some grammatical errors but they shouldn't be hard to clear up. First, my general suggestion is that you work on being just a touch more poetic. Perhaps add some more imagery and extend what you have.

The hills sparkled with the lift [Do you mean light?] rain that drizzled down. [Perhaps describe the scenery a little more so that the reader can picture it easily.]
She stood in the center of it all, [Maybe end this line with a fullstop.]
Her hair was the wind, whisking around her childlike face.
She began to sway.
She twirled as though the earth was singing to her,
A song that cannot be ignored.
Her body turned liquid, joining in with the rain. [You could make this line better by saying 'mingling with the rain' rather than 'joining in with' or 'Her body melted' rather than 'turned to liquid']
She opened her mouth and let out a whisper, [Perhaps a semi colon here?]
Her voice was the wind. [Maybe a comma would work better here.]
Her body the rain.
Yet she is unseen, unheard by most.
She is me, she is you.
She is what we desire and what we hate [Maybe either a semi colon or a colon here.]

Freedom

A good read, darling, but it felt more like prose chopped up to me than pure poetry. I don't mind that it didn't rhyme (what poetry does these days?), but it didn't have the rhythm necessary for me to feel it as a real poem. I'm not sure how to fix it--perhaps the best way would be to experiment with your line structure, maybe even count syllables and get a pattern going with that. You have really good raw material here, the descriptions and feel of the words are good, you just need, I think, to get a cadence going.

Mmm, tasty imagery in there, my dear. I really enjoyed this...it cast the image fairly clearly in my mind, read very smoothly and easily.

I especially liked:

She is what we desire and what we hate

That is a really good, deep line, and so true.

It seemed a bit more like free-writing than narrative poetry, to me. It was lovely and beautiful, don't get me wrong, but previous critiquer was right - it has no real rhythm to catch on to. I would either try to establish more of a flowing, poetry rhythm, or make it into a flash fiction.

But very lovely work, luv. I congratulate you.

Au revoir!

~Mademoiselle Kool