Willow and Wisp

Editing -

Hi Reyu. Thought I should pay you a visit.

The vibrant glow of the rising moon flooded the hallway with silver light. Stain glass casting hundreds of beams of light across the floor, wall and ceiling, making this simple walk-way its own universe.

“The star’s come to us my lady.” Announced the First of the King's guard. Red cape slightly flowing in sync with his pace.

“You see a hallway of stars, yet all I can focus on is the weeks worth of growth on your face.”

I love this description. I imagine the character walking through this glass tube at night which is connected to the mansion lol.

The boots Daniel wore echoed through the empty hallway drowning out the sound, if any, made by the silk slippers of the queen.

Puncuation error

There were two spiraling stair cases, one at the top left, diagonal to the maidens head. The other was in the bottom right, just across from her knees. The library seemed deserted.

You're good at describing the environments indoors.

They danced only a short time, soon finding a sofa.

Sofa sounds modern for this story.

The two lovers kissed passionately for a moment, then tumbled on to the couch. They made love with their clothes on, an old habit, only broken when they were completely sure of their privacy.

The sex scene was short and lacked description. And this was supposed to be R rated.

Overall, I think this was ok. Some things could had been explained better. The character in this story could had been more developed too. I just didn't feel a connection with them.

That's all I have to say.

Love your avatar! Rest of the chapter coming soon.

Edit - Also... what is the name of those couches in psychologists rooms? Or simply another, *older?*, word for sofa?

Couch works I think.